You might have noticed that many of us don’t accept the truth, no matter how much “proof” is offered. I’m not talking just about politics but our daily lives.
In fact, “looking away” has its uses.
Years ago, I believed one could convince someone else with a persuasive, logical, well-organized argument. There would be an “aha” moment, and the speaker would have shown the light to the other. Not simply displayed it but caused the illumination of another mind, without which the brilliance of the day or cloudlessness of the sky made no difference.
Few of us always want the truth, and some don’t want uncomfortable truths for multiple causes of which they possess little awareness. We are often metaphorically blind at those times. Our emotions play with the possibility of clear-eyed consideration of ideas without our knowledge of having done so.
Why might that be? Many reasons.
- When you are a child, you need your parents. Best to recognize them as the ones who guarantee the well-being of your tender life rather than as people who haven’t mastered the job, especially if they are unkind. Even adults can carry their childhood desire for their parents’ love in the hope of obtaining it … finally.
- We want to get along with others: neighbors, friends, co-religionists, family members, and co-workers. Well-functioning relationships often require compromise and depend on seeing the best in those near us.
- If unsure of what to think or believe, it’s nice to go to experts who claim to be more learned. Financial advisors and almost all other professional disciplines rely upon this to make a living. Trust is necessary unless we wish to go through life alone.
- Counting on those exuding confidence and a record of success transmits assurance to us. Relief and appreciation upon hearing their apparent truths are byproducts.
- Our high-speed lives and responsibilities are pressured with complexities. Simple solutions relieve stress and doubt.
- Not knowing the proper direction to go is troubling when the map of life is confusing. Happiness and satisfaction appear attainable if we receive straightforward instructions, “the” solution (so we are told) to problematic issues.
- We are prone to perceive people as if they are one thing. Good or bad, bright or dull, kind or harsh. Once placed in a category, humanity tends to stick with such impressions despite future contradictory information. No one is great, generous, loving, and self-sacrificing in every circumstance. Halos are for the divine.
- Most of us not only wish to be seen but care about being recognized, accepted, and admired for something close to the fullness of our personhood. Con-men figure out this vulnerability and exploit the qualities that enhance their value to us.
- Truth can be painful. When discerning a devastating or costly truth, the draw of fantasy is powerful.
- Certainty in your spouse’s fidelity sometimes lasts longer than the actuality of it. Few mates seek to break up families, hire lawyers, and face this challenge to a historically loving foundational relationship. Looking away may be a comforting alternative if we succeed in self-persuasion and ignorance.
- Passionately spoken untruth, if repeated many times, often seems more convincing than raw facts.
- Imagine telling a friend about someone you both know and reporting the fellow’s deceit. Assuming your comrade did not witness the misbehavior, his hesitation in accepting your observation is understandable, all the more if your buddy has a long positive history with the miscreant.
- As death is not considered a fun topic, many avoid the issue, including some of the implications that demand our attention in creating a fulfilling life.
- Homo sapiens must envision the world’s doubtless beauty and capacity for enhancement. If humans consider the planet beyond repair, it would be harder to sustain any sense of optimism or find courage when difficulties arise.
- Some knowledge also fails the test of usefulness. Assume you require surgery. Not everyone can understand all possible side effects, make wise choices among different types of procedures, and interpret medical research that helps inform such decisions. Nor is the ability to choose doctors always easy.
- Sometimes, the patient might enlist a friend or loved one to take over a good-sized portion of the task, ask questions, process information, and make suggestions. Doing so might reduce the stress of those in need without endangering the medical outcome.
Taking in too much of the world carries the potential to disable us. The challenge for everyone is knowing how much we can handle and under what conditions.
Whether we comprehend it or not, prioritization or triage is required, thereby recognizing what is essential to face and what can wait. This is easier than it sounds, of course, because the unconscious plays its shadowy role.
Not everything must be known, and not every battle be fought to have a good life.
You might consider this … every so often.
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The first image is a Dark Matter Map from Hyper Suprime-Cam survey, 2018. Beneath is a Blindfold Hat by Dale and Kim Schoonover. Both are sourced from Wikimedia Commons.
Ah, but what is “reality”? If you don’t know every side, every angle, every nuance every possible thing about something, then your reality is only perception and will rarely be somebody else’s reality. The vast majority of us are already looking away even when we believe we are facing reality full on.
The question of “what is reality” is one that philosophers and science-fiction writers have looked at, as you know. No one can prove life is or isn’t a dream or that your brain is sitting in a laboratory vat somewhere. We might be part of a science experiment, or just one of us might.
If someone wishes to run an extreme test of the question, he could run naked in the street, give all his money away, starve himself or commit murder to test whether any of it would make a difference. But, of course, you haven’t, Eva, nor am I suggesting you or anyone else does any of these things.
If we decide instead to live “as if” the world has some basis in realities we agree upon (the sun comes up in the morning, we all crave food, and laughter is enjoyable), we are left with the practical necessity of figuring out the world as much as we can (or are comfortable in doing) and then living in it.
We should also remember that in fascist and communist states, truth is one of the first things a government or a group of politicians attempts to influence simply by confusing its citizens as to what to believe and what not to believe. I’d argue there are still credible sources of information and the possibility of confirming them, facts that are within the ability of an intelligent person such as yourself to discover.
Giving up one’s total agency to others in the belief that nothing in your reality is at all comparable to anyone else’s reality is a rather extreme position to take at a practical level. I’m sure it has many of the advantages I’ve described above, but the cost of them in total is quite dear.
You are always the source of provocative thoughts, Eva. I’ll bet your brain is still looking at your life, that of your family, and the daily events in our challenging, intoxicating, splendid and dangerous world. Take care.
Dr. Stein, thanks for this informative and enlightening post. I agree that “[t]aking in too much of the world carries the potential to disable us.” I’ve learned over the years “how much [I] can handle and under what conditions,” but it remains a challenge to this day.
As it does for all of us, Rosaliene. But at this distance, you seem to take the world on more heroically than most. For one, I’m grateful for your efforts.
<3
“The Occasional Value of Looking Away From Reality”
With your piece you essentially turn reality upside-down, turn what the true reality is on its head.
Your list of reasons for choosing blindness when faced with “uncomfortable truths” makes it clear that humans are irrational, selfish, and insane.
Global reality proves that, and this lunacy is the result of habitual and continuous collective elective blindness to reality — read the scholarly free essay “The 2 Married Pink Elephants In The Historical Room” … https://www.rolf-hefti.com/covid-19-coronavirus.html
This systemic blindness is the true global reality. However, you turn it upside-down framing it as if people generally open to truths (“Taking in too much of the world carries the potential to disable us”) when this openness is gravely missing collectively everywhere.
If most humans were NOT operating per this continuum of choosing truth blindness THEN there would be some justification for, and “occasional value of,” “looking away from reality” but since that is not the case everyone’s main effort should be to (start to) look AT reality (instead of away from it) at a consistent and near continuous schedule, finally.
Humans’ typical self-sabotaging misguided mentality is apparent in this sentence of yours — “If humans consider the planet beyond repair, it would be harder to sustain any sense of optimism or find courage when difficulties arise.”
Most humans don’t want to face the reality that it is “beyond repair” (for millions of years) so they KEEP damaging it via their ACTIONS. To solve a problem effectively one must first face the whole true problem/cause/reality. It’s called being mature. Otherwise so-called solutions will always be inadequate. True optimism is in reality-grounded ACTION (done by mature adults), not cognitive “hoping” (done by kids, or adult kids) even if it looks bleak (see cited essay).
Thank you, Remy. Much appreciated and thoughtful. I agree with almost everything you say. If there were a way to create the “maturity” that you describe (especially necessary these days), no one has found out how to do it yet, especially for those who have already dispensed with seeing even some of the smaller versions of reality I’ve described in my essay.
Thus, short of some sort of mind-control or brain washing, we are in the trouble you are talking about. The lessons you or I might wish to teach these folks are lessons no one wants to hear. Perhaps you know the old joke psychotherapists have been telling for years:
“How many therapists do you need to change a light bulb?”
“One, but the lightbulb has to want to be changed!
Take care and, again, thanks for your comment.
Your post was intriguing all the way through, but if I had to pick one favorite part, it would be this statement. “Our emotions play with the possibility of clear-eyed consideration of ideas without our knowledge of having done so.” So very true!
Thank you. Jonathan Haidt is the expert on the frequent triumph of emotion over thought. If you haven’t seen any of his work or videos, they are all over the place, including on youtube. He is a social psychologist.
As a dissociator, I like your ending statement: “Not everything must be known, and not every battle must be fought to have a good life.”
And as a disabled person, I also consider that maybe I can find purpose without being “successful.” I still get many family members who remind me that my disabilities make me “unsuccessful.” Those judgments hurt. I’ve tried to overcome, advance, upwardly mobilize, and succeed. In some cases, I have, but such victories were short-lived. My chronic fatigue syndrome would worsen, which meant I became even more disabled than when I started on my journey of “overcoming disability” (or, in my family’s judgements, “overcoming laziness”). All of that was painful, and it cost me more money, heartache, and relationships than I cared to risk.
Today, I have to be content with what I have and find joy in the little things – with or without “success,” “purpose,” or “recognition.” I have to be proud of my only daily accomplishments, even though they are tasks that non-disabled people take for granted when they ignore that disability occurs throughout everyone’s lifetime at one point or another.
And psychologically, it’s painful to process trauma all the time. Thankfully, my therapist is flexible when it comes to allowing me to discuss anything and everything with her, when I’m ready. It’s hard enough to accept the truth, especially when it concerns traumatic memories. It’s harder still to accept any truths regarding my DID condition for what it is in normal people’s minds, as opposed to the existential realness that exists to help me function, cope, adapt, and survive. It’s easier for singletons to see me as merely delusional, and not accept the dissociated parts of me as equally representative of me, as opposed to the sum being greater than all of the parts. Depending on how others define DID, I’m either facing the truth or I’m not. Not everyone agrees with existentialism. For people like me, that hurts.
My understanding of the human race finds too many people who share their hurtful observations about others because such beliefs suit them more than the one to whom they are speaking. You might want to consider this possibility based on what your family has already displayed during your life, though I imagine you have already begun to do that with your therapist.
I would also suggest you take a look at what is offered in the Daily Stoic, a free daily blog. I often find it valuable. Today’s was useful: https://dailystoic.com/email
I think you need to subscribe to see it, but you can always cancel.
If you find it doesn’t help, ignore it.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply, and for the suggestion. I recently watched more newer Star Trek movie, and I was reminded about how Spock is stoic. I like Spock because he battles with both his human side and his stoic Vulcan side, but he had to learn how to choose when to use his human emotional side, and when to regulate his emotions regarding any mention of his human mother. That then reminded me of your suggestions regarding how stoicism can help – if I interpret it correctly. I believe in the freedom of emotional expression and empathy, but I can see the benefits to stoicism as well. It’s just when a therapist is too stoic, I freak. LOL.
Stoicism is much misunderstood. It doesn’t rule out expressing emotions and being empathic, but within limits. Here is a letter of consolation Seneca sent to his mother. He was one of the greatest stoics: https://howtobeastoic.wordpress.com/2017/01/13/senecas-consolation-letters-part-ii-his-mother-helvia/
Dr. S, thank you for your link on stoicism. I’ll have to read it when I can focus better, but I did skim through it and saw that grieving is allowed.
I also signed up for the newsletter. There’s a few links within their welcome email. I believe I clicked on the first link, skimmed through it, and found this section, which read, “IV. What Are The 4 Virtues of Stoicism? Courage. Temperance. Justice. Wisdom.” This then reminded me of some of the leadership skills that the military teaches.
As I thought about the 4 virtues of stoicism, I considered grief. I always thought that stoicism meant being almost antisocial, unhuman, and having a flat affect with fake smiles. I also thought stoicism to be cold, disconnected, and lacking empathy. But perhaps stoicism allows for tears, for grieving, for righteous anger, as they all relate to the virtues of “justice” and “wisdom.” Without having read in depth, I’m trying to make sense of how stoics would grieve, and for what purpose. Perhaps grieving with the thoughts about justice when a wrong has been committed, such as murder or theft. Deaths or other losses that can’t be replaced warrant grief, which demonstrates the pain and result of an injustice. Or perhaps grieving over the death of a loved one is wise when considering the value put in cultivating relationships and understanding the loss of those relationships when life naturally ends it.
And regarding empathy, perhaps the virtues of temperance and wisdom are involve. Maybe stoics see others’ pain in terms of allowing the other to express their grief in their own way, while understanding the different kinds of temperance there are, and the control of shifting or mirroring emotions of the other onto the self. And maybe stoics are wise enough to understand when to grieve in community with others, and when to allow others to express their own grief, so as to observe fully – without their influences of emotion coming upon them, and without their own emotions influencing those grieving.
I am trying to set aside my biases with this by understanding how these virtues play out, and how empathy and emotional expression are allowed in the stoics’ world. I’ll eventually read those links when I can focus completely, and see how my initial thoughts change.
Read if you like. I have no expectations beyond my hope for your well-being, Dragon Fly. There are many sources of wisdom, including difficult experiences. You may find their attitude toward life’s challenges an interesting one. Be well.
By the way, I’m not sure why my “likes” on the drop-down menu under the bell icon disappear, but they do. When I go to the actual article and then scroll down to the comments, my likes are retained. So, if I liked or reliked your response, and then it disappears, it wasn’t my intent to remove the like. I hope this makes sense. If not, just a past and future apology if my likes are not showing up. I think my comments are though.
Please give me an example of two of these disappearances. I’d like to check it. Thanks for the alert, Dragon Fly.
Will do – via email. I’ll have to create a bitmap image that way, as I don’t think responses on WP allow for that. But I will try to show you what I mean.