Amid a troubled world, good cheer seems misplaced. But for those of us who are lucky enough, our less-embattled lives offer more than we imagine.
Where does joy come from? Later, I will offer a path to happiness you might not have considered. For now, recognize that doors to fortuitous experiences often open if you keep looking. Some delight comes by accident, some by intention, some by the wise use of opportunity.
You might chat with a neighbor, the person beside you searching for bananas at the grocery, or the clerk at the pharmacy. Have you written or called an old friend to say he is in your thoughts? Or that your life is better because you know him?
Have you eaten something delicious and spent time savoring both the food and the marvelous fortune of having it? Might you listen to music with intensity, not as background to house cleaning, and consider the genius without whom it wouldn’t exist?
In Beethoven’s era, a devoted listener during his lifetime might have had fewer chances to hear one of his symphonies than the number of toes on one foot: no streaming, no CDs, no LPs, no year-round orchestras.
Not even the composer could hear his works as often as you can.
List all the boons of modern times. Antibiotic medications, antiseptic surgery, rapid transit on land.
Airplanes, elevators, and inoculations.
You can watch almost every movie ever made with a little effort while staying home.
Hard times are inevitable, but life gives us intermissions — sometimes short, sometimes long, sometimes missing, sometimes waiting to be transformed.
Your next challenge is unpredictable, but you will be more confident and less fearful if you prepare yourself by meeting most days with good cheer, ready to take on destiny.
Think of life as a sponge full of surprises waiting to be gripped. Squeeze and replenish it by working for friendship, love, learning, and recognizing what you must change to fulfill yourself and benefit others.
There is joy in the smile you get by giving.
Your existence is like clay to be molded. Be charitable and generous. Grow flowers and trees. Help your neighbor.
Change as you wish, or you will be changed by fate as it sees fit.
Equally, prepare to make new mistakes, the only road to revising the version of yourself.
Steel yourself by taking on challenging, complex tasks. Make the most of your time, not in accumulating objects or clothing, but in imperishable experiences, friendship, and energy well-placed to enhance humanity’s chance to thrive.
If you can stretch yourself enough, smile at your defeats, and reframe your conception of the hurt or disappointment after you heal the bruise. Some of those injuries teach the attentive sufferer.
Milton Stein used to say to himself, “Every knock is a boost,” when his daily search for a job availed him nothing during the Great Depression. He struggled to find a stable but modest career at the Post Office. With that achieved, he married the woman he loved and obtained a life beyond his imagination when poverty cast a shadow over millions.
My dad learned life is not finished with you unless you are finished with it.
I mentioned a suggestion.
Most make automatic comparisons with those deemed better off. A more excellent residence, a superior job, respect, status, physical attractiveness and skill, an adoring mate, beautiful and talented children, or a fine education.
Less time is devoted to those not as advantaged as you are. The contrasts can alter your perspective on yourself.
I had the happy opportunity to work in some miserable summer jobs as a college student. Perhaps those words appear inconsistent.
Let me explain.
The first favorable employment opportunity I disliked occurred in the warm months of 1966, working in a metal stamping factory. My job consisted of two simple manual tasks that were more boring than watching paint dry.
The endless, artless chores continued for eight hours a day. A heat wave contributed to indoor temperatures, likening the building to a steam bath. There was no air conditioning, and the few fans were insufficient.
I was lucky because I learned what my life could be, what I did not want it to be, from the lives of the year-round employees with whom I worked. The men I came to know.
If you have the grit, finding jobs and living circumstances that are enlightening by their displeasure should not be complicated. At least, witness how common laborers without sufficient education or specialty make a living. Seek out their homes and neighborhoods. They are all around us.
Go to a modest restaurant and think through the lives of those who clear restaurant tables daily. Fix on the faces of the homeless, realizing they are people, not disposable objects, as fMRI measurements of human brains tell us we liken them to.
Remember your auspicious circumstances compared to those I’ve described, even if you never take on a menial, punishing work assignment. Reckoning with the life you escaped might make it easier to consider yourself lucky and grateful for a new day.
And perhaps with this knowledge and reason to meet the day with good cheer, you will discover the importance of kindness to others less fortunate.
“There but for the grace of God go I.”
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The three photos are the work of the superb photographic artist Laura Hedien, with her permission: Laura Hedien Official Website.
The first is a Texas Sunset with Sunflare in June 2023. Next comes an Old Edsel in Canada, 2023. Finally, The Milky Way in Arizona.
Great suggestions Dr. Stein. Just what the doctor ordered to help in our troubled world. Your post reminded me some great advice an old timer had given me when I worked for him one summer. He lectured that comparison-making was the root of all evil. I’m not sure I got it at the time, but I see it now. Thanks so much for the reminder!
Thanks, Brian. Yes, we can surely make ourselves miserable by comparing ourselves to the endless number of people who “have it better than we do.” Or so it appears to us. But, if we can find a way to be happy independent to what others might have, their relative success or failure is of little consequence. In the end, much of our life satisfaction depends more on other things, friendship among them.
I love any post where you quote your father and his line “Every knock is a boost”. It’s a perfect reminder to forge ahead, especially as a source of inspiration to do this: “Make the most of your time, not in accumulating objects or clothing, but in imperishable experiences, friendship, and energy well-placed to enhance humanity’s chance to thrive.” Thank you, thank you. 💕
Thanks, Vicki. Yes, my dad found a way to reframe his daily defeats in a country where 25% of the population was unemployed and 25% was underemployed. He took on the setbacks as experiences that would eventually benefit him. Of course, there was little choice in the decade of the ’30s, but he came to have a life that was beyond his imagination as a young man. While I never lived through the economic catastrophe he survived, I also have had a life beyond what was imaginable when I was a young man.
I absolutely love this post. Recently, I’ve been really coming to see the blessings in my very rocky youth. It’s precisely the rockiness, I’ve felt and feel affirmed here, that makes me appreciate in my very bones those moments where I can simply gaze at a sunlit leaf and be awed to share a world with it. Yes, there is hardness out there, and I have touched it … in ways that make me appreciate what is soft and weightless all the more. Beautiful post and soul-food, for which I thank you for sharing.
You could lead the class, Deborah! Doesn’t sound like you need my help at all, but your kudos are much appreciated. Be well.
A wonderful post to combat privilege and comparison and help us focus on values. I love, “Squeeze and replenish it by working for friendship, love, learning, and recognizing what you must change to fulfill yourself and benefit others.”
Insightful and filled with great examples to learn from. Thank you, Dr. Stein!
I am glad you enjoyed it, Wynne. Without action to make the world a better place, all our supposed gratitude rings hollow, I am afraid. I know you do good in your corner of the world.
Thank you very much, Dr. Stein, for this uplifting reminder of the simple and unexpected joys of life, even when we are broken. So much truth learned along your journey <3
Well, I try to learn! Thank you for saying so, Rosaliene. And the admiration is mutual!
Boy does this ring true!!! Live is so short!
I can only imagine the situations you have encountered, Laura. Thanks for affirming what I wrote and, as always, for your photographs.
More than my pleasure! I’m flattered and I see it as a fair trade for your words of truth and wisdom.
It will be a while before I get a compliment as nice as yours! Thanks, Laura.
“Change as you wish, or you will be changed by fate as it sees fit.” This is so true, and yet so difficult, isn’t is? It entails becoming honest and vulnerable with ourselves and not trying to live in a gilded world where there is no difficulty.
“My dad learned life is not finished with you unless you are finished with it.”
Last winter I started a small thing. I bought a bag of men’s socks, rolled each pair up in a sandwich bag and added a couple of EmergenC packets. When I come to a stoplight I don’t often have some small bills to give, but having a bag with those baggies allowed me to hand the people something they could use. I just bought a new batch of socks to have on hand to give out this winter.
When we extend help to others, we need to give them what they need, not what we think they need or we take away from their humanity while we serve our own. Socks are the #1 requested item in homeless shelters. Giving them out to panhandlers tells them, “I see you, I want you to feel cared or even a little bit.” When people feel cared for, what is to say that isn’t the very thing that helps them get through another day?
Every person is important on this planet, and we cannot discount those who struggle through low paying jobs or even those who have no jobs. When we show respect and help those who are struggling, are we able to know that the person currently homeless and sleeping in their car, would not be the next poet laureate, or even be able to turn their life around? They may have hit a rough patch and even end up being our future boss! Life is amazing that way!
Thank you for listening and for giving an opportunity for me to share how we can help others!
Your comment is overwhelming because you have taken the time to ask what the homeless need and enabled yourself to convey kindness and generosity, as well as to let them know they are being seen. All of us who do less, including the money I often give them, should cheer you and follow the example you set, Tamara. Many, many thanks.
Ah, Dr. Stein, as usual, your posts are filled with wisdom. And, might I add, this is just what the doctor ordered (no pun intended). I have saved it to read over again in the future as well. Thank you so much ~ Kendra
Lovely to hear from you. Thank you, Kendra. I hope it serves you well.