Movies characterize therapy as an effort to unveil the repressed memories of a troubled life. The counselor is portrayed as a wise, empathic, trustworthy Sherlock Holmes, trying to uncover what has been buried, denied, or misunderstood.
In other words, as portrayed in films, a psychoanalyst’s goal is to know his patient better than the patient knows himself—what blocks his happiness—and guide him to a more rewarding life.
How much of the unknown should be known? Therapists would use a lie detector if knowledge, truthfulness, and fact were the aim. At the least, they would probe and dig until everything knowable became known.
Truth, however, is not what most patients want from a clinical psychologist. They want relief or an end to depression and anxiety, for example. Coming to know themselves better is often required, but not the revelation of every dark place in the heart.
The psychologist must determine what is helpful, not judge an inventory of his client’s moral choices and mistakes. Before long, if their work together leads to a newly hopeful story, both parties have done their job.
With luck, the patient is on his way to living a satisfying life.
The parable might include endurance, overcoming challenges, and triumph. The tale might involve mourning, the release of profound emotional pain, and the patient’s recognition of his value.
Despite his ups and downs, mistakes, injuries, and harm done, the new slant on his life history would require acceptance of what is behind him. At that point, counselors hope the client understands that the game of life isn’t over and visualizes the possibility of unshackled accomplishment, blooming relationships, and joy ahead.
Not every knot must be untied. We are vulnerable creatures—brave, creative, and imperfect—and psychotherapy is unlikely to make us superheroes or saints.
We humans help, and we sometimes wound others. We are honest but lie on occasion. We shop for things we don’t need, use, or keep — and walk home without stopping for a homeless woman requesting money for her next meal.
We love our spouses but display unkindness and are tempted to cheat on them. We rationalize our unfaithfulness but teach our children to be noble and good.
Therapists are trained to accept you as you are, not to scold you. Sometimes, your imperfections, moral or otherwise, contribute to your problems, but they do not always.
The transfigured world has been more challenging in recent years, and some pursue treatment to find the capacity to manage their own lives when corporations, climate, and congressmen can’t be counted on.
The late sociologist Zygmunt Bauman spoke of that uncertainty:
“What is novel (today) is not uncertainty. What is novel is the realization that uncertainty is here to stay. The task is (therefore) to develop an art of living in uncertainty.”
The ancient Stoics advised us to focus on what we can control, but our newer world allows many of us less sway and influence than our elders had. It is, therefore, our responsibility to help change not only ourselves but the community of man in small but necessary steps, hand in hand with others.
Successful counseling puts us on the doorstep of making more of our lives, even though repairing the world is not why people search for a therapist.
One of psychotherapy’s benefits is opening the unexpected treasure chest of the patient’s hidden strength. The gift can be used in many ways.
It can enable finding the place where the best of him can be put to constructive use—use beyond selfishness, use beyond the accumulation of wealth, and acquisition of unnecessary things.
There is more to life than the self and its desires—more that creates a sense of worth. If healing the Earth and all its forms of life and beauty is a responsibility, it is also a privilege. Though the therapist’s job is not to point you in that direction, it is nonetheless the truth.
=================
The first image is Mental Health by Tumisu. The second is The Truth Was Revealed by Egon Schiele (1913). The final photo is The Blue Marble, by Apollo 17, December 1972. The first was sourced from Wikimedia.org, while the second is from Wikiart.org. The image of the Earth comes from NASA.
this is the best explanation of what therapy is meant to be, that i’ve ever read.
You are very kind, Beth. I am glad you enjoyed it.
I second this comment from Beth. Yes!
Your last paragraph, the last sentence, is achingly beautiful, caro dottor Stein, and expresses Grace.
I had not thought of it in that way, Micaela, but it touches me when I think of how you described the conclusion of the essay. You are in touch with sentiments that lift one’s eyes to the beyond.
A privilege indeed, old friend. Thanks & Peace.
Thanks, Frank. Your sentiments and mine go hand in hand.
Awesome article. I am sharing (duly cited) on my Clinical Supervisor page. I believe that as we therapists enter into our elder/crone years we realize that it’s not the content of the story, it is the telling of it, so long as we are simply present and abiding. Thank you for this!
Thank you, Louise. I am especially appreciative given that you are a fellow therapist. I am also grateful for linking to my blog, rather than placing the entire article on your Supervisor page. Best wishes.
“Not every knot must be untied”…what a perfect way to describe both the navigation of the helper – who might see, or sense certain truths – but also possesses the wisdom to lean back. Let the client lead, perhaps while pointing out that some knots are useful – tangible evidence of experiences overcome. Triumphs, even, in the looking back. Thank you, Dr. Stein. You’ve offered a phrase I’ll long remember! ❤️
There are nots, and then there are knots. Some are known and some are hidden. Their existence makes therapy interesting for the counselor–and a challenge. Thanks, Vicki.
Thank you! 🥰
👍😉
This is so beautifully stated, Dr. Stein. I particularly like, “Successful counseling puts us on the doorstep of making more of our lives, even though repairing the world is not why people search for a therapist.”
While I’ve personally not had success when I tried counseling, your framing invites counseling to not only take the form of a trained psychologist, but also a caring friend or an inspiring book–anything that, even unintentionally, helps us seem our lives as part of the bigger picture. I really love that because I have found small gems of inspiration in all kinds of unexpected places.
Yes, Erin, the bigger picture is too often overlooked. It is as if we were surrounded by mirrors, all reflecting only ourselves. If mankind is to survive, we need to embrace others and work together. Thank you.
This is the best description I’ve read of the phenomenon: “surrounded by mirrors, all reflecting only ourselves”. We need to make the active decision to exit the funhouse and see reality as it truly is.
Dr. Stein, I imagine that the role of the therapist has evolved with the needs of each new generation. Therapy was a taboo subject in the world of my youth and young adulthood. These days, it seems that therapy has become a necessity for those seeking relief from the depression and anxiety, as you mention, that living in uncertain times bring to our day-to-day lives.
Zygmunt Bauman certainly would agree, Rosaliene. It is a new world, where the power of inventions never imagined in almost all of human history seem increasingly to make us their playthings. Uncertainty indeed. Thank you.
[…] had a moment like that when I read Dr. Gerald Stein’s recent article where he acknowledged a truth, expressed in a way that was new to me. Fresh and captivating, it […]
Many thanks for the acknowledgement, Vicki.
You are very welcome! Sorry for the slow reply…for some reason the WP Reader didn’t show your comment…cheers to Wynne for letting me know! 🥰
“There is more to life than self and its desires” – wow, a succinct encapsulation of the life that is bigger than us.
I love this, “One of psychotherapy’s benefits is opening the unexpected treasure chest of the patient’s hidden strength. The gift can be used in many ways.”
What a great encouragement and motivation for accessing hidden strength. Wonderful!
Thank you, but it was not a problem. The conscientiousness of you and Wynne is much appreciated.
Therapy is challenging, and for it to work, there needs to sometimes be a longer term relationship, but the nature of health insurance gets in the way unfortunately, so many people who would benefit from it don’t start, or discontinue it, due to the limitations of their insurance. Bravo to those who are able to run the course and benefit from it. Bravo to the therapists who do their best to help people in spite of the insurance limitations.
Well, as I did fall into the latter category, I appreciate your applause, Tamara. We do it, and most do at some time in their career, because something in us tells us that we cannot do otherwise.