When I think of a balanced life, I imagine going to the circus. There, you find someone walking the high wire. The pole they hold horizontally helps to keep them aloft as they walk from one platform to another.
Yes, people have traversed the tightrope for over a mile, but most settle for much less.
On or off the high wire, it is hard to maintain equilibrium.
Those who talk or write about balance focus on work and life. They add friends, hobbies, religious observance, a partner, raising children, exercise, vacations, meditation, continuing education, and a satisfying home life.
What they don’t mention is death, and they may wonder why it is worth contemplating:
Why should I? I’m trying to have a full life while I am alive, not dead. The thought of my death depresses me.
What is there to fear in your death? Pain, yes, but many encounter severe discomfort well before their demise and live with it for years. Moreover, medical and hospice care near the end of life can often treat and reduce suffering.
A death that ends anguish may be welcome.
I agree that a loss of a life, in full bloom or before, is a tragedy. Existence robs one of a host of opportunities, the possibility of joy, love, achievement, song, excitement, and more.
Those who do not ponder the brevity of life may, without intention, rob themselves of discovering what might fulfill them. An endless life would not. Infinite survival could well be tiresome, boring, routine, and disappointing, without the chance of escape.
Seneca said, “Life, it is thanks to death that you are precious in my eyes.”
Failing to remind oneself of the end of one’s time, there is less urgency to make the most of the time he has. Awareness of the ticking clock encourages homo sapiens to live more in the moment.
Thinking the unthinkable can create some comfort with the idea of one’s ultimate expiration. Those who take this position, however, should be prepared if the subject alienates others.
Many superb books nonetheless touch on death. They tend to be thoughtful and enlightening, helping you discover where authenticity and growth lie in your season under the sun.
Somerset Maugham wrote this in The Razor’s Edge:
“Nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it.”
Maugham’s principal character in the novel is Larry Darrell, whose best friend in WWI died saving him. He returned home transformed, preoccupied with all the essential questions. Who am I? Why am I living and not my friend? What is the value of life? How can I best find the answers?
He refuses jobs that would lead to conventional success and wealth. Darrell lives modestly, is put off by social climbing, and instead associates with people of more humble means than his old friends do.
Larry chooses to work in a coal mine, later lives with Benedictine monks, and travels to India to discover the wisdom of Hinduism. His homecoming to the United States continues his rejection of money, power, and high station in a materialistic society.
This man is fearless and curious about the ways of the world. He does not know all the answers, but he knows the questions and what he must pursue to learn more.
Ancient philosophers came to terms with the idea of the end of our being, something more immediate in a time when life expectancy was short. According to the Daily Stoic, Socrates said philosophy is “about nothing else but dying and being dead.”
The practice of bringing death to the forefront is called Memento Mori (Remember you must die). Buddhists and Sufis also have long histories in this approach to living.
It would not surprise me if you remain unconvinced of the value of more attention to your departure from the planet. In that event, you might take the words of Oscar Wilde as a model of how to approach the question:
My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One of us has got to go.
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All of the paintings are sourced from Wikart.org/ The first is Paul Klee’s 1923 Rope Dancer. It is followed by August Macke’s 1914 Tightrope Walker. The final image is Remedios Varo’s 1944 Tightrope Walkers.
I’m among the pragmatic group that routinely considers the knowledge of life…and death. I don’t know when but I fully accept as each year passes that it’s inevitable and am comfortable preparing for it but I know that’s not true for everyone.
In a mostly unrelated note Dr. Stein- my oldest grand and I were watching the newest version of Frankenstein on Netflix recently. Watching the monster be created by Frankenstein and seeing the doctors photographer benefactor and his daguerreotypes nudged my brain to dredge up the concept of memento mori. The grand had never heard of this but was fascinated to learn.
We can almost always learn. Frankenstein in the original version is a great book. Sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your grand, Deb. It takes some courage to face death in a sober fashion. I am not surprised you have it.
I’ve never read “The Razor’s Edge” but now I must. Love this post, Dr. Stein…and the Seneca quote? So good. Thank you. ❤️
Thank you, Vicki. You might know that “The Razors Edge” was made into a movie twice. First with Tyrone Power in the late ’40s. Bill Murray played the same role in the ’80s. I’d choose the first. Great supporting cast. It is free on YouTube.
Thanks for the tips…I didn’t know it had been made into a film…and hmm…yes. I’d prefer the Tyrone Power version over Bill Murray. I just know it. 😊❤️😊
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Thank you, Beth. From what you have said about your career, I imagine you know a great deal about the topic at hand.
One thing I think is true for most of us as we age is that we don’t take life and our bodies for granted the way we once did. When I don’t feel like exercising, I make myself because I’ve seen what happens to people when they become sedentary. Regular human interaction is also critical for our mental health. An active mind and body is the only way to go.
Agreed, Pete. Having the will to tackle life’s challenges is not something to be assumed. More power to you and thanks for reading and commenting.
I’m laughing about your Oscar Wilde quote, Dr. Stein. You know how to make a deep subject relatable. Your line that, “Awareness of the ticking clock encourages homo sapiens to live more in the moment.” is so true. Thank you for helping us keep things precious and real.
That is no small compliment. Thank you, Wynne. Glad you enjoyed the Wilde quote.
If you ever get a chance to see the Ivan Albright paintings used in Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray, don’t miss it.
Thank you very much, dr. Stein ,for making me aware that I am not the only one to think about death!
I am happy to provide you with that, Martina. I had an early awareness of mortality. I am accepting of the fact that I will be forgotten except for my grandchildren as time passes, and then a footnote in a few places. Beethoven has no competition from me.
I enjoy your humour, many thanks:)
After becoming aware of the fragility of our lives as a young adult, I’ve learned to place death to the forefront of this life cycle. As a result, relationships have become more meaningful. With so many relatives and friends of my generation moving on to the Other Side, I cannot ignore the reality that I’m also nearing the finishing line.
It is to my benefit that the finish line has not been reached by you, Rosaliene. I am not alone alone in that. Stick around a while if you can!
“Those who do not ponder the brevity of life may, without intention, rob themselves of discovering what might fulfill them.” Amen to this, Dr. Stein.
A lot to think about here, Dr. Stein. Work–life balance is really hard to attain, especially when we are young and starting our careers. It’s not until we are almost at the end of it, when we are about to retire, that we finally start savoring it. But by bringing up the subject of death, I’m realizing that we get a lot of education and advice about the milestones we need to achieve in order to be successful at our jobs. We do our best to understand the concept of family and how to start one, but no one talks about death. I know philosophers, especially the Stoics, gave it a lot of attention, but there aren’t many discussions about it. Even the church doesn’t prepare its members well. I guess most people don’t want to think about something that is more guaranteed than anything else in this world, which is fascinating when you think about it. Thank you for another thoughtful post.
I appreciate your understanding of the essay, Edward. Since you raise the issue of the church or religions in general, one might think of them as an attempt to provide a balm.
The problem is, however, whether that works very well and offers clarity in terms of how life should be lived, and has enough persuasive and worthwhile influence to produce human solidarity as opposed to factional disagreement.
You might be interested in an important 2024 book by Matthew Taylor on the role of Christian militancy in our politics: “The Violent Take It By Force.”
Thanks again for your thoughts.
You’re very welcome. Definitely more factional disagreement than anything else. I’ve heard about that book and was debating whether to add it to my reading list. I guess I’m going for it since you mentioned it.
The book was enlightening to me. It might be for you, as well, Edward.