We prefer not to know some things, and others are better left unknown regardless of our level of interest. Then there are those issues for which the answer requires living the experience.
For example, the opinions others have about you, in detail. All of it, including the jokes.
Imagine that your best friend’s partner is secretly seeing someone else; would you be wise to tell your buddy?
Do you wish your surgeon to be sensitive to injuries, worry for fear of harming his patients, and haunted by self-blame in the operating room? Might an MD ideally be certain of his skills, confident, and without empathic sensitivity?
Is there value in telling a young person what aging is like? The object would be to prepare him for what is ahead. Assuming you do, will he believe you, or continue to think of himself as invulnerable and ageless?
What should you say when your child asks whether Santa Claus is real? My eldest daughter asked me at age seven, and the truth left her in tears.
Ought you to inform your children about your worries, fears, and upset with the other partner who raises you? Does reversing the roles of parent and offspring help either one?
How would life be impacted if you remembered every happiness and sadness? Most will fade, and some will vanish on their own.
Is it helpful if you hold a grudge forever? The old saying reminds us that if you seek revenge, dig two graves. There are two of you involved, aren’t there?
Do you want a therapist who cries with you and experiences your suffering just as you do? Does this improve or diminish his ability as a counselor?
What is the right response when your patient says she is in love with you?
Is there an acceptable reason to hug a client?
What is appropriate when a beautiful, late 20s patient hands you a paper bag full of various condoms and sex toys?
Is your attitude toward climate change affected by remembering when the sky was almost always a deep blue with pure white cumulus clouds? An earlier birthdate might have been required.
Was the world of males in fedora hats, ties, and reading newspapers on a commuter train or bus a less stressful life? The TV series Mad Men offered a version of that time and place.
Did the Internet make for more harm than good? Do you recall the time before it existed?
Well now, I don’t suggest you ponder this any further. Take it for as little or as much as you want.
One thing, I hope. At least a few of you were entertained.
That’s the best I can do for now.
I have to go.
You wouldn’t want to know why. 😊
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The Question Marks is a work by Jerome Paniel, sourced from Wikimedia Commons.
Your ending was funny – and brilliant! Thanks for an entertaining yet very thought-provoking post, Dr. S! Each of your points could be separate arguments for debate, yet they are fun just reading them as-is, without answering.
Glad you got the punch line, Gayle! You are right, you don’t have to answer. I can’t promise that answering or thinking about the post will help in any way. Just something to be read and enjoyed for the momentary pleasure and stimulation. Thank you, Gayle.
As the world demonstrate every day, even adults can believe anything they want. The only problem is that their beliefs are far more problematic than Santa! Thanks, Gayle.
I could write an essay regarding your questions, Dr. Stein. I could address fifteen of these, but I’ll focus on the Santa Claus question because it was posed to me many times by elementary children. Most 2nd and 3rd graders still believe in Santa, and I wasn’t about to burst their bubble. The question often came to pass because some years I would have a student who felt it was their duty to “educate” their classmates. I don’t know how many times it happened over the years, but I can recall getting my students after recess to find a student in tears. When I asked why they were upset, they would say something like, “Sam told me there’s no such thing as a Santa.”
My typical response when they asked me if it were true was, “If you don’t believe, the magic won’t come true.” Perhaps that was passing the buck, but I didn’t want to be the one to confirm or deny. The same thing occasionally happened when a student would pose a religious question. I would say, “I think you should discuss this more with your parents.”
As a teacher, I am sure you did the right thing, Pete. As a parent, I had a few seconds to respond lest my hesitation would deliver the same statement I put into words. I have blogged about the dilemma before. It broke my heart to hurt my daughter — to break her heart. She was asking me to respond to what she heard from a classmate and friend. My response left her knowing she could trust me, but I am still troubled by the pain I gave her. Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
When I saw the title I immediately thought, “this is about airline baggage handling” … well, not quite, as always the good doctor had something a little better.
Thanks, Steven. Great to hear from you. About baggage handling I am inclined to take a Buddhist approach. The Buddha would tell me to be grateful.Why? Because the temporarily lost baggage had taught me patience, while damaged luggage had taught me tolerance. All the best, Steven.
thanks for the light ending, and i don’t even want to know!)
I think you have just the right attitude, Beth! The ending was more a punch line than a reality, Thanks for doing the right thing and getting the joke, both.
Love the comments! And to add: I still want to believe in the spirit of Santa Clause, and I definitely want to believe that Pluto is still a planet. I’m still grieving over the loss of those two realities for me, LOL.
A very thought-provoking post, Dr. Stein. For sure, there are lots of things that are better not to know. Often, it may be none of my business. The infidelity of a friend’s partner can be tricky, though. Here’s hoping that you and your loved ones are managing well with the toxic smoke and excessive heat.
Agreed, Rosaliene. Indeed, a number of the situations I mentioned are tricky and I found myself in more than a few. Many thanks for your concern for my families health. We are staying more inside. I am afraid the conditions are predictive of similar challenges elsewhere in our country and, perhaps, in the world. Let’s hope your own environment is safe, too.
Thankfully, for now, we only have the heat to contend with.
Glad to hear it!
Ah….the “need to know”. Something I’ve been plagued with my whole life, dear Dr. Stein! I know *myself* well enough to recognize the compulsion…the need to know to verify what I think I sense, intuit. Looking for confirmation. Oh….the slipperiest of slopes! Thanks for the smiles sparked by your queries! 😊😊😊
And thank you, precious Vicki, aka the writing wizard!
Can you hear me giggling? You’re displaying your comedic skills in comments this morning! 😜💝😜
Great questions, Dr. Stein. I’m glad I don’t have anyone handing me a paper bag, that would be an awkward moment for sure! We didn’t tell our son that Santa Claus wasn’t real when he was little; he figured it out by himself in time, probably around eight. Hugging a client, that’s a tough one. I didn’t have clients, but on a few occasions, I hugged grieving soldiers and family members. It happened naturally, and if I remember correctly, all of them took the initial step.
I survived the paper bag, Edward, and kept my psychologists license! Life is full of surprises.
And that’s a good thing. It’s really interesting reading about your experiences with patients. There are definitely a lot of surprises!
Oh my goodness – so many great questions. You’re right – I think many have answers best left unsaid and the posing of the questions show your deep and compassionate heart. I was delightfully entertained by this post, Dr. Stein!
Thank you, Wynne. Happy to entertain you. Stand-up comedy is my next career!