Everyone wants acceptance from friends, bosses, and those we love. We also search for self-acceptance, the knowledge of oneself, and satisfaction with who we have become and what we have achieved.
One other kind is not less important. A rewarding life requires assent to the terms of living, the inevitable joys and sorrows, along with all our fellow travelers in the same air and water on or above the earth.
I’m speaking of accepting the rules of the game of existence, which include how to survive, live in the moment, take joy in small things, develop resilience, and mindfulness of the shortness of time.
No other creature knows the last of these conditions. Homo sapiens do.
The other side of the equation is expecting too much and believing time is endless. Thinking we can “have it all” when no one can.
What does all mean?
Those of us in the Western World want a significant measure of wealth and the material well-being that accompanies it. Many seek status and admiration of a substantial kind and amount.
People wish to be known by a select group and accepted for who they are, though this comes with risks.
Virtually everyone prays for a long and healthy life, maintaining the body and appearance of a preferred version of an earlier self. Countless others also hope to produce robust, handsome, happy, and bright children.
Men and women search for a society fit for fellowship, laughter, liberty, and a fair chance at happiness. Most tend to believe they’d “do the right thing” while hoping the daunting challenges pass them by.
One more desire should be added to a potentially longer list. To live in a peaceful world in a country striving for justice and the flourishing climate enjoyed by our grandparents.
Since a guarantee of winning all of the above and the entirety of whatever else you seek is beyond us, I’ll add a more attainable goal.
You can’t have it all, but you can have enough with effort and good fortune. Yes, despite much of it being out of your control in the hands of fate.
No one achieves a delirious, perpetual state of happiness. Even then, it is an elevated mood not because of but in spite of misfortune–looking for life’s randomly distributed good, joyous, incidental kindnesses and strokes of luck even when obtaining joy seems foolish.
Enough depends on rewriting your objectives and discovering a decent share of happiness in a more limited life. It is accepting life’s downside.
Enough is in need of patience with time, friends, (and therapy, if necessary) to return you to the set point of well-being you used to inhabit. Something close, at least.
Enough asks you to empty most of your bucket list and change your goals as you age. You might discover that 4-star restaurants don’t matter to the extent you used to believe, and becoming the chief of the tribe carries more unhappiness than the status it confers.
Enough is recognizing the day is short and choosing a modified catalog of priorities because you realize earthly eternity is out of reach.
Enough means learning to give to others and honoring their value as more fulfilling than receiving riches from them.
Enough is doing your part to repair the world. And being accepted by a few of those with the open hearts you seek.
You have one life. None of us will ever know all the universe’s secrets, win every game, produce a squad of Olympic gold medal children, and never encounter the people who like to fight.
There will always be scoundrels.
Will you rate your life high only if you do and see everything, with a perfect score on each new test?
Shooting for all the glorious targets exists in our imagination but not elsewhere. You, those you love, and the planet depend on a more nuanced set of expectations and efforts.
Modesty, humility, and acceptance provide a softer landing place.
Safe travels.
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The top photo is of A Local Morning Fish Market at Lake Awasa, Ethiopia. Next comes Sunset on the Candian Plains in Saskatchewan in August 2023. They are both the work of Laura Hedien, with her kind permission: Laura Hedien Official Website.
