In the Western World, many display a kind of radical positivity. They lean into thoughts of beauty, opportunity, health, friendship, and family. Prone to smiling and laughter, they carry a mindset in which all problems offer a solution. Optimism rules the day and evening, too.
Life is not always easy, but I can only applaud those who travel this path while offering two additional ways to joy less often thought of. Let me move beyond the first road mentioned to the second, possibly overlapping the previous one.
Way #2 includes the gift of living in the moment as much as possible. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the late University of Chicago psychology professor, described the occurrence as a “flow state.”
According to Csikszentmihalyi, in moments of flow, “people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people continue to do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.”
Flow persists undistracted, mindful only of that in which one is engaged. Time passes unnoticed, a perfect, unselfconscious episode. There is no thought of before or after. The individual is present and focused beyond the self. Others might walk by him and or say hello without his awareness.
This is not the day-to-day happiness mentioned in the first paragraph. Most of us would be pleased if we could achieve that much — a beautiful day with a companion in sync with us, laughing while viewing the future with optimism.
Way #3 is different.
Rather than being fully in the moment, this avenue to joy includes realizing the temporary nature of most everything, including you and the person you are with. Implicit is the recognition of life’s shortness. Because you and the other are mortal, the idea of losing possession of the experience of touch, tenderness, excitement, or companionship is not far away.
Tears sometimes appear, as do expressions of affection and the thought this might be the last time you and the other are together. The engagement is captured in the word bittersweet. The intensity of such an event is more complex than the first two paths to gladness but brings urgency and poignance — a different form of joy.
The depth of emotion produced on the third road allows one to behave with the knowledge of life’s impermanence. Saying “I love you” takes on more importance. Expressions of sentiment and telling the other what they mean to you hold the same necessity.
Informing loved ones and friends why they are precious fits Way #3. Some believe any word or action suggesting life’s brevity risks bringing unnecessary darkness. Still, countless individuals regret unsaid tenderness and gratitude, just as they carry unhappiness over caustic and rageful last words.
You could argue Way #3 is not conventional joy, and I might agree. But it comprises little different from tears upon your child’s birth, the pride in her successful performance on stage, or the happiness of a reunion after wartime.
I am not here to tell you which type of joy you should prefer. No one requires you to choose. We do well to be grateful for bliss in whatever form. Yet, we have the most control over the last of the three because it involves a specific action.
I offer you a recommendation. Consider expressing your love to all those you care for before the New Year’s Day ends. Say this in the hope you embrace them many times in the years ahead while recognizing immortality is the one gift a fellow mortal cannot bestow.
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Both photos come from Wikimedia Commons. The first is called The Joy of Playing Together by Rasheedhrasheed. The second is Happy Men by BornThisWayMedia.
