Part of growing up, at least in the USA, means answering two questions.
Who do you want to be? What do you want to do?
The first is a matter of meaning: your understanding of what life is about and what constitutes a meaningful life. Most think of a desirable feature of existence as a speaking part, a role that makes a difference in the overall story, not just their story.
No one tries to be a nonentity, a cipher, the mathematical equivalent of zero, without significance, influence, or worth. One hopes to make an impact and change things by gaining recognition for one’s outsized talent, rather than remaining invisible.
Another portion of the kind of visibility you’re looking for requires that someone see you as you see yourself. To achieve a role that distinguishes you from others, which is not the same thing, you must overcome whatever fear holds you back from trying to be noticed and understood, set apart from the crowd.
Few wish to take an ambitionless non-speaking role, one that leaves no mark.
In the dark night of the soul, question #1 demands that who you are matches who you appear to be. The alternative is to live every day wearing a mask.
The second question involves how you will get there: how you will achieve a meaningful time on planet Earth. What vocation, job, or calling?
Most find themselves psychologically incomplete as they approach adulthood. The upside-down world necessitates becoming right-side up.
The downside of making a lasting and recognized difference is how difficult it is to do so. Even in the short term, one must realize that a towering splash doesn’t last long. The water falls back in place, as if you had never entered the pool.
Stillness is our default position in the moving picture. Not everyone can be a mover and a shaker. In the end, your self-worth should depend on yourself and not the crowd. That much is achievable.
Start from a place of silence and quiet contemplation. What is troubling you will arise and tell you what you need to change.
People have to learn things, take risks, speak even when others don’t listen, and on occasion declaim, “Here I am. I have given you the best of myself. If that is insufficient I will leave now and not look back.”
Dan Ariely, a Professor of Psychology and Behavioral Economics at Duke University, tells the story of a meeting with friends. One of them raised the question of what gift each would give to everyone in the world, all on the same day, if such an action were possible.
One answer was an empathogen, a psychoactive substance best known as MDMA (ecstasy), thus increasing feelings of empathy in everyone.
Thinking about the meaning of life is worth some time, but I might suggest a more modest answer to the question posed by Ariely’s friend.
My response would be something within my power, not an idealistic, impossible goal.
I do, however, have a couple of friends who have made grand and lasting contributions to medicine. One developed a method of treatment, and another changed a country’s practice of refusing life-saving medicine to a marginalized group. Remarkable, indeed, men named Steven Henikoff and Richard Stern.
For my part, each day, or most of them, I try to make someone smile.
And you?
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The top image is a photo of a Winter Sunrise on Lake Michigan, IL, 2026. It is the masterful creation of Laura Hedien, with her permission: Laura Hedien Official Website.
We kind of ended with the same idea. I thought:” I can laugh.”
Laughter is good, Joan. And you have an infectious laugh! Thank you.
Great post! A lot food for thought.
Trying to make someone smile daily is a great goal to have.
I try to leave people and places better than I found them.
Blessings!
Indeed. Making the world better and letting your track marks point to the improvement you have wrought. Many thanks, A Star on the Forehead.
Yes to smiles and laughter making things a little bit better. Also, letting people and animals know you see them and care about them. Listen.
Thank you for including animals, Lori. They are uncomplicated creatures and the touch of domesticated animals is a great boon to us. We are better for their presence, just as we do well to listen to the voices in our lives, including those of strangers.
Caring about the world and my community was instilled in me by my parents at an early age. They were selfless people who modeled that behavior. I’ve tried to follow in their footsteps. Literacy and children are important to me, so I volunteer with a children’s author festival group that brings 25 children’s authors to our area every two years. While the authors are here, we bring them out to over 70 schools in the county. I also read to seniors in assisted living twice a week. It’s one of the best parts of my week.
Magnificent, Pete. Bravo to your parents, and to you, for the dedication you display in the service of children, literacy, and the elderly. It sounds like you make a significant difference in the world.
To care about nature! Thank you very much Dr. Stein for your thought-provoking post!
Your are welcome, Martina. Nature offers beauty and must be recognized as essential to our survival. It should not be viewed as simply a way to make money. There are numerous charitable organizations that work to save our environment, as you know. Thanks for pointing to this essential element in saving the world.
:):)
I love this post from title to end. Your urging to start from a place of silence and contemplation is so wise. And I believe your smiles – and assistance helping others find their place in the world – have a wonderful impact on this planet!
Thanks, Wynne. There are always things to do, parts of the world that need repair, and these days, causes to be supported. Put differently, each of us are essential to the project and all have a place in the process.
One of the things I leave is my family, three daughters who have grown into kind and compassionate people who I know will help the world even after I’m gone. Another is I try to make people happy, in little ways, sometimes anonymously leaving things that might help them, a book left on a bench in the park for someone who might enjoy reading it, food on doorstep for someone who might not have the money for it, a kind comment to someone who might be having a bad dayand need to be uplifted , a little comment that might make someone smile, a series of small acts that ripple into a wide circle.
My goodness, Beth, you do your part and more. Producing three kind children is, by itself, extraordinary. I have seen too many parents who find this impossible. All praise to you!
Staying within our power…
So much wisdom right there, dear Dr. Stein. When the world feels heavy, I remind myself to stay in the moment with each person I encounter…and the phrase “how can I help” seems the perfect antidote. The opportunity to be vulnerable and supportive at the same time. Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness here. ❤️
Thanks, Vicki. We can do much within our capacity to act in favor of all that is good in the world, all that must be preserved if our children are to survive and prosper. It is our responsibility.
Thanks for this important and thought-provoking post, Dr. Stein. The ways in which I could contribute to my small world have changed over the years. As a teacher, I sought to bring out the potential in my students. As a parent, I focused on providing for my sons’ needs. As a writer and storyteller during these twilight years of my life, I share my life’s experiences in the hope that they will help others to overcome the adversities that life throws in our paths.
You make an essential point with regard to how our contributions change over time. I certainly hope you have many years ahead, the more to add to an already remarkable life. Thank you, Rosaliene.
🙂 <3
Great post! For me, I just try to make the lives of those around me a little easier. Today, I wrote about an article I read in the Wall Street Journal regarding the relatively low number of men choosing psychology and social work as a profession. I guess for young men deciding what’s next, we should recommend a career in mental health, as the world needs them now more than ever.
Thanks, Edward. A wise colleague said to me, perhaps 30’years ago, that he thought the combination of women entering the therapy field, the role of managed care in reducing fees, and the enlargement of those working in the field with certification of degrees less than Ph.Ds would cause men to look for other lines of work.
If we need more male psychologists, they probably need to be paid better. The similar problem of underpaid teachers hasn’t provoked any action taken on that front. A shame, especially with our current job market and the existence of a clueless administration and Congress who would rather spend money on arresting dark skinned people, and fighting wars, than building a failing economy.
You’re very welcome. You made a good point, and your colleague was spot on, we can clearly see that now. The PhD point is interesting, and this is probably one of those areas where a doctorate is necessary because of the rigorous process required to obtain one and the strong research component involved.
I know a couple of people working in this field with master’s degrees and certifications, but in my humble opinion—at least in the cases I’m familiar with, they would likely benefit from pursuing a doctorate. I think they’re lacking a bit of depth.
I completely agree with you about the administration and Congress. This country needs a better plan to address mental health. Instead of spending billions of dollars a day on this unnecessary war, those funds could be used to support education, expand services, and perhaps improve salaries for these professionals, making the field more attractive.
And me? I’ll be happy to share when I see you in person. Til then, all the best, old friend.
Thanks, Frank. I know you have some very interesting stories.