All the Lives We Touch

My friend Steve and I were coming home from a White Sox versus Tigers game at old Comiskey Park. It was a warm July night during our college years. He had a summer job at the Post Office, an early shift, and a sleepless night and morning at a party he hosted.

By the time we left the stadium, he’d been awake for almost 48 hours.

I asked him if he was alert enough to drive, but he pooh-poohed my concerns. On the return trip, I noticed his car began to weave into another lane. I turned toward him. His eyes were closed. With one hand, I grabbed the steering wheel, and shook him with the other as I got the vehicle under control.

What if?

What if we died in a crash? Humanity would have lost Steve’s future as a genetic researcher of international fame who contributed to the human genome project. Of course, no one could have predicted that in 1967.

Everyone matters.

I became a clinical psychologist, a husband, a father, and a grandfather. But the accident might have ended my future, with toddlers and grandkids disappearing without lives they were never given.

My wife, whom I met a few years later, likely would have married and produced different youngsters and grandchildren. Their impact on the planet vanished because I survived the close call. 

Those young ones were among an endless number of children who never were. I would have been one had my father returned from World War II thirty days after he did.

History only records what occurs, and then just part of the entire story. We cannot know the totality of our influence on others once we depart.

Yet we might have children or grandchildren who make their mark because of us. We might have nudged friends or their offspring and put our thumb on their posterity.

Van Gogh, for example, never sold a painting and had to be supported by his brother. The artist was hospitalized for psychiatric treatment and committed suicide at age 37. Most of us experience neither his profound desperation nor the ability to give birth to art that moves some to tears.

We have ways to revise and improve the world, small or large. Planting a garden, teaching, and attending a library board meeting come to mind. Loving another and seeing them in a way no one else does. Helping those in need, making charitable donations, and emigrating to a land offering multiple generations a better life.

In United States history, one cannot ignore the founders’ gift to all of us, and the slow refinement of the law produced by some of those who succeeded them.

As I waited to cross the street during college, a young lady traveled the same path a step to my right. She was lost in her conversation with a friend, unaware of the red light we faced. She entered the crosswalk in front of a speeding car. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

She was stunned and did not realize what had happened until later. Did she become a nurse, a nun, an architect, a physician, or a legislator?

Failing to learn her lesson, would she have walked into traffic again and been harmed or killed? Might this woman have touched one life, 100, or all those on the planet?

We live in a world of possibilities, but a troubled time. A single life might alter things, and the difference can be immense. 

Think of Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, Beethoven, the Buddha, Abe Lincoln, Hannah Arendt, Moses, Margaret Atwood, Mohammed, Jesus, Virginia Wolfe, Jackie Robinson, Ernest Hemingway, Homer, Rembrandt, Marie Curie, John Lewis, Indira Gandhi, and many others.

Do not diminish your potential to impact the world. You cannot know whether your presence sets the Earth forward or backward. Do not say your existence makes no difference. 

Live as if it makes all the difference. 

You never know.

==========

The paintings of Vincent van Gogh are sourced from Wikiart.org/ The first is Irises (1889), and the second is Sower at Sunset (1888). Finally, the artist’s The Starry Night (1889).

Words for the Second Day of the New Year

Lord … Number us, we beseech Thee, in the ranks of those who went forth … longing only for those things for which Thee dost make us long, men for whom the complexity of issues only serves to renew their zeal to deal with them, men who alleviated pain by sharing it, and men who are always willing to risk something big for something good — so may we leave in the world a little more truth, a little more justice, and a little more beauty than would have been there had we not loved the world enough to quarrel with it for what it is not — but still could be.

Oh God, take our minds and think through them, take our lips and speak through them, and take our hearts and set them on fire.

Amen.

The words are those of William Sloane Coffin, Jr. (1924 -2006). I will write more about him in a future post, but this is enough for today. Check out Coffin on Wikipedia if you’d like to know more now.

==========

The first painting is Chimera by Gustave Moreau from 1884. The last is Blueberry Eyes by Franz Kline, 1960. Chimera is sourced from Wikimedia Commons, while Blueberry Eyes comes from Wikiart.org.

I Don’t Want Your Gifts

It is not that I don’t want anything from you. I just don’t want your gifts—material things—stuff.

What do I want?

Your attention—the kind of gentle but intense focus that says, “I see you,” and sometimes brings a tear.

Your time. Since it is always short and because we both know it will run out.

A quiet restaurant. A place where we can savor food and conversation without shouting to be heard 

An idea. Something I haven’t considered before. A thought to make me think. Yours.

Your effort to repair the world. It won’t be achieved otherwise, you know.

A well-chosen birthday card—something to bring laughter or tears. A phone call, too.

Good health and long life for you.

Truth. 

Openness to the darkness of life—without depression.

Openness to the beauty of life—without toxic, automatic optimism.

Good jokes or stories. There are never enough, but always more. I’ve told you a few, you know.

Touch. A hand, a hug, and sometimes a kiss.

A note, handwritten, more meaningful than the keyboarded variety.

Going out of your way.

The courage to tell me when I have done harm.

A buddy who doesn’t count—one who remembers that his last words won’t be, “Gee, I wish I had that $10 back.”

Civility.

The stillness that makes audible the rustle of trees and the tide coming in.

Stars piercing the light pollution, emerging from a pure, blue-skyed day and a cloudless, pitch-dark evening.

Allowing me to know your interior—that which matters more than your achievements, status, or beauty.

Your awareness of the lie in every mirror. Each one displays the outside when what matters is the inside and what you do with it.

For you to survive and grow from the life tests you encountered after those in school.

To hear you ask yourself, “What value do I have?” and “What value does life have?” You alone can find the answer.

That you overcome the anxiety of life and know you have done something heroic.

Making people laugh and smile.

That you don’t say, “I would have done better,” when talking about an experience you never lived through.

The teamwork to save the Western bumble bees, honey bees, and Monarch butterflies. Do you want to join the effort?

That you find love.

Your humility in the face of your opinions and beliefs. You might be wrong, you know, and that is the way we learn.

That you should have many long friendships.

Widespread generosity to support charities. Even giving $1.00. Here is one I like: Feeding America/

Your attention and kindness to the children and all their tomorrows.

==========

The first photo is a 3-D Gift Image by Vijay Verma. The second shows Afghan Children waiting to receive basic medical care and clothing at Camp Clark, Khowst Province, Afghanistan, on Dec. 22, 2009. It was taken by Staff Sgt. Andrew Smith. Both were sourced from Wikimedia Commons.