A Few Added Words on the Subject of Living

For some, the Christian Bible is enough, or the Koran, or the Shreemad Bhagavad Gita. Include the Torah, the Talmud, and the Agamas. Perhaps all the guidance and wisdom in the world is to be found amid them and the other holy books.

But I suspect that the legendary philosophers of history might have a useful and additional word or two, men like Seneca, Socrates, and Spinoza. I would add several novelists, including British writers Julian Barnes and Virginia Wolff.

What is more, sometimes your mom or dad, or your third-grade teacher, offers enlightenment.

If truth is present in any of those possibilities, there also should be value in a few words not always or easily found among the sometimes contradictory messages that sacred books, among others, send our way.

Here are a few for you to accept or ignore.

Life is hard, but it offers a balm not found in a tube of calamine lotion at the pharmacy. It is discovering something or someone to love. The conventional wisdom suggests you must find a lover, but there are many others. A friend, a sibling, your parents, or a pet can offer affection and gratitude in receiving it.

More?

I have an old buddy who enjoys and even treasures his work and might win the Nobel Prize someday. I have cheered athletes who are in love with the game they play. I’ve also run into more than a few self-involved folks. On occasion, they are self-sufficient in the practice of their genius.

Think about writers, artists, sculptors, musicians, and composers. Add to the list, if you like, women and men who seek more than entertainment in the arts, entranced in discoveries of intensity, joy, and moments of ecstasy. If you’re lucky, you can find more than a single such passion.

The point is to be attached to, devoted to, involved in, and touched by what you love.

And, if you are thoughtful, you can return the endearment and the attention. You give back to the game, whether it’s a contest, a person, the adoration of Mozart, or the game of life.

Erin, of the Existential Ergonomics blog, wrote a wonderful post the other day that speaks to those who recognize that life and full reign over your existence are in opposition, much as we wish otherwise:

I am learning the difficult grace of release. I once believed I could map every turn of this story, determine when and how love would appear. But life, patient and persistent, keeps prying my fingers open.

Each time I loosen my hold—on plans, on control, on what I thought I needed—something softer finds its way in. I’m beginning to see that undoing isn’t failure; it’s invitation. It’s the space where breath returns, where grace has room to enter and rebuild.

My response to her statement was this:

Well said, wise, and beautifully expressed, Erin. We never have full control, but for seconds or days at a time, and even that is an illusion. These are the terms on a contract we never signed. Acceptance and managing the cracks that form in our painting is the art we must keep creating—to find love in the cracks.

I should have added more than shared adoration to what saves us, including whatever is useful and whatever can compensate for the blows of fate; if they can.

Perhaps the most heartbreaking feature of our lifelong but imperfect bargain is the loss of people. Then we learn to grieve and endure, cherishing their memory, and desiring a reunion in the afterlife. It is an outcome that is part inclination, belief, and hope, as well as a certainty in select minds and hearts.

A written guarantee? Hard to find on any day or on eBay, but hope often takes its place.

We live in a difficult time. Life moves faster and faster; lasting work is uncertain; residences double as offices where a screen and a phone substitute for a meeting place, a handshake, a kiss, and a hug. Meanwhile, skin hunger grows like ivy on the wall.

George Orwell, a visionary author, described our dilemma as he contemplated it more than 75 years ago:

All we have done is to advance to a point at which we could make a real change in human life, but we shall not do it without the recognition that common decency is necessary.

Surely decency is a step toward love. To love one’s neighbor and the stranger. To provide for the starving and homeless. To call the other by their name, with honor. To recognize our shared humanity.

And not to take arms, but to hold the other in our arms and let her know that she matters.

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The first image is Meanna. It is an album cover from Tales of Loneliness, sourced from Wikimedia Commons. Below it is An Elephant at Sunset in Amboseli, Kenya, 2024, by the superb photographer, Laura Hedien, presented with her kind permission: Laura Hedien Official Website.

George Altman and the Art of Living

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Some men are great, but not good. Only a few are both good and great. Such a man was George Altman, who died at 92 on November 24.

His story goes beyond being a sports hero for a moment in time. It is about the way he lived his life.

Nineteen-sixty-one began well for George Lee Altman. The year also looked positive for Jack Randolph Stein — my brother, Jack — the ballplayer’s best nine-year-old fan. Jack studied the newspaper box scores and memorized Altman’s statistics. He defended Altman to any “unbelievers” who might have preferred some other big league star.

No defense, however, was needed in 1961: by baseball’s All-Star break, Altman led the league in hitting. The 6’4″ black outfielder blasted a home run in the game. Only a better Cubs team would have made the world of George and Jack perfect.

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Ah, but the baseball gods are capricious, and the long ball Altman drove over the fence proved the high point of his Major League career. After another All-Star year in Chicago, he was traded to St. Louis and then to the New York Mets at a time when a ballplayer might be considered a “well-paid slave,” to quote Curt Flood about his own baseball career.

But this story ends well, so don’t lose heart. George Altman never did.

I offer you two stories here: one, a brief recounting of the life of an extraordinary athlete and man; the other, of a little boy who admired him. A tale, too, of the unexpected turns you meet if you live long enough.

Altman was 27 years old in 1961, and Jack was at the age when boys acquire heroes. Baseball permitted the love of a man of a different race in a way not allowed by almost any other public activities of the day.

Jack modeled himself after Big George. He adopted a similar left-handed batting stance and played the outfield as his hero did. My brother even hoped to spend time with him, something impossible after a ballgame in an ad hoc autograph line.

Jack wrote to the athlete at Wrigley Field, home of the Cubs. “Mom will cook you a meal of steak and beer,” he included as an enticement. No brewery inhabited our basement, and no beer lived in our refrigerator, but the letter found its way out the door. Jack waited. The whole family waited and wondered.

My brother received a picture-postcard with Altman’s photo on one side and his autograph on the other. No mention of steak and beer. No comment at all.

A little history: George Altman played a part in advancing race relations in the United States.

In 1947, Jackie Robinson, enabled by the Brooklyn Dodgers’ General Manager (Branch Rickey), broke the informal collusion among Major League Baseball’s owners to keep the game white: the color line. From Robinson’s arrival, it took until 1959 — the same year George Altman joined the Cubs — for every team to have at least one black player.

Big George was among the last to play ball in the Negro Major Leagues (a gifted dark-skinned player’s only alternative to the barred door of the Majors). They began to unravel when some of their best athletes found jobs in the newly integrated big leagues.

A rough road greeted “colored” men (as they were then called), even if they did leap the first barrier. Salary was modest, most took off-season jobs to survive, and racism among some of their white teammates presented itself. Managers were all white, and informal limitations prevented “too many” dark-skinned men from taking the field as “starters.”

Blacks had to room with blacks, whites with whites. Segregated hotels sometimes further separated the races. Little interracial socialization occurred after the game ended, and even in the dugout, the dark and the light often sat apart.

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Altman had another superb season in 1962, but his trade to St.Louis left both the ballplayer and brother Jack disappointed. Injuries cut short much of Altman’s time in the big leagues, but he eventually became a brilliant star in Japan for eight seasons. Even then, however, he was a person on the outside. No longer an African-American in a white world, nor a college-educated man among men of more limited learning, he became an American in Asia.

George Altman grew up in North Carolina. His mother died of pneumonia when he was four. Willie Altman, his dad, made a living as a tenant farmer who became an auto mechanic. The senior Altman could be a hard man, a man of few words and hidden feelings; one who didn’t encourage his talented son’s growing athletic success or attend his games. But the junior Altman gave his all to succeed at everything he tried, including the back-breaking labor of picking cotton and tobacco during teenage summers.

Altman graduated from Tennessee State thanks to a basketball scholarship. He later became “semi-conversant” in Japanese during his playing days overseas, and a commodities trader at Chicago’s Board of Trade representing himself from the seat he purchased with some of his relatively high Japanese earnings. Along the way, he beat down colon cancer.

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Before he left Chicago, George Altman started a chess club for young people and helped build the Better Boys Foundation. In his 80s, he focused on high school-aged kids and combating the evils of drug abuse, but the Windy City continued to claim a special place in his heart.

The tall childhood hero once again came to mind with the Cubs’ 2016 World Series Championship. Perhaps, Jack hoped, a 55-year-old meal ticket could be punched as well. My brother tracked down his 1960s idol and made a date to visit him near Altman’s Missouri home.

The men who broke baseball’s color line are thought of as having advanced the status of their race despite the initially punishing reception of white baseball. Surely this is correct, but not the whole story. They also served all Americans of the time, not only by displaying their particular genius for the game.

Blacks were not just stereotyped, but invisible in mid-twentieth-century America: no black newscasters, no blacks in commercials, few blacks on TV or in the movies; and then, almost always in roles fueling the worst stereotypes of the time.

That changed with the vanguard of “Negro” baseball players. Even bigots now observed African-Americans in a new role, heard them speak in radio and TV interviews, and read human interest stories written about them. Unseen, anyone can be stereotyped. A man or woman in the flesh becomes a person, not so easily molded into an object of derision.

The black athletes of Altman’s generation played baseball well, but they played a more critical role in transforming America. The frozen, deformed national consciousness of people of color was reformed by their courage. We are better because of them, if still not perfect. We are better because of George Altman.

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Expectations nurtured over time become unspeakably high. The goal, once achieved, usually disappoints: too much pent-up anticipation. Not this. The still trim Altman met my brother at the appointed restaurant. The ballplayer didn’t remember the “steak and beer” invitation, nor did the pair dine on the menu items Jack had promised.

Still, the 55-year-old’s wish was otherwise satisfied — and not only because of the former Chicagoan’s pleasure at the success of the World Champion players who wore the same uniform he did. Here is Jack’s voice:

After a while I brought up some of the tragedies he endured, from poverty to racial prejudice to his son’s death in a head-on collision with a drunk driver; the loss of his grandson, too. Despite all this, George was an absolutely positive guy who appreciated his life and how he handled his most difficult times.

Since George was not legendary ballplayer, he seemed surprised anyone would drive a long distance to spend a couple of hours with him over lunch.  He enjoyed my detailed interest in his career and the recollections we shared of some of his greatest games.  For me, as I have learned more about George from his autobiography and our meeting, the hero of a nine-year-old boy became his hero again at 64-years-of-age. It was a happy experience for both of us.

Responding to a note of gratitude from Jack, George Altman wrote this:

Jack,

I thank you for the honor of your visit this afternoon. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment. You reminded me of some great experiences I had in baseball. Thanks for the memories. I’m honored that you would drive almost 700 miles (round trip) to have lunch with me. I am amazed at your knowledge of my career.

God bless you and your family.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Geo.

Where do resilience and grace come from? In the dedication of his autobiography, Altman first thanks God and then his mother, “whom I never really knew. Everyone who knew her said that she was a beautiful, kind, and loving person. I have tried to use her legacy as a guideline for my life.”

Then he names his wife, Etta, and his children, relatives, and friends, all acknowledged for “their love, comfort, and support.” Lastly, gratitude is expressed to five coaches, perhaps father figures, who are individually identified. As John Donne famously wrote, “No Man is an Island.” Whether he knows the line, George Altman knows the lesson.

The Stein family, ca. 1960. Left to right in the front row, Jack, Gerry, and Eddie.

The Stein family, circa 1960. Left to right in the front row, Jack, Gerry, and Eddie.

Back in the childhood I shared with my brothers, we never thought about players writing books or their lives in retirement. We were too busy watching those still active. The “stars” were, quite literally, in our eyes.

Mid-twentieth-century America presented an easy opportunity to believe in heroes. I mean the celebrated athletes of the time, especially baseball players. As Homer said of the combatants in the Trojan War, some were “godlike” men.

The human imperfections of anyone in the public eye today, however, have become inescapable. Each man’s and woman’s Achilles heel is x-rayed, dissected, and shamelessly exposed. We live in an age of full-frontal news. We know more, but are perhaps poorer because of it.

And then there are George Altman and other people like him, quietly living out their lives. There are never too many: intelligent, decent, and hardworking; gifted, grateful, and resilient.

How many of us can stand comfortably on a pedestal erected by a worshipful nine-year-old? The 64-year-old version of that little boy, my brother Jack, would tell you he met one: a man who made a difference, the rare example of a life well-lived.

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Most of the information about George Altman’s life comes from his autobiography, George Altman: My Baseball Journey from the Negro Leagues to the Majors and Beyond, written with Lew Freedman. The second image above is Norman Rockwell’s “The Dugout,” which appeared in the September 14, 1948, edition of The Saturday Evening Post. The painting well symbolizes the futility of most of the Cubs teams my generation watched as we grew up. The following dugout image includes, from left to right, Ernie Banks, Billy Williams, and George Altman. I do not know the names of the other players, but I would be pleased to be informed by those who do.

I Don’t Want Your Gifts

It is not that I don’t want anything from you. I just don’t want your gifts—material things—stuff.

What do I want?

Your attention—the kind of gentle but intense focus that says, “I see you,” and sometimes brings a tear.

Your time. Since it is always short and because we both know it will run out.

A quiet restaurant. A place where we can savor food and conversation without shouting to be heard 

An idea. Something I haven’t considered before. A thought to make me think. Yours.

Your effort to repair the world. It won’t be achieved otherwise, you know.

A well-chosen birthday card—something to bring laughter or tears. A phone call, too.

Good health and long life for you.

Truth. 

Openness to the darkness of life—without depression.

Openness to the beauty of life—without toxic, automatic optimism.

Good jokes or stories. There are never enough, but always more. I’ve told you a few, you know.

Touch. A hand, a hug, and sometimes a kiss.

A note, handwritten, more meaningful than the keyboarded variety.

Going out of your way.

The courage to tell me when I have done harm.

A buddy who doesn’t count—one who remembers that his last words won’t be, “Gee, I wish I had that $10 back.”

Civility.

The stillness that makes audible the rustle of trees and the tide coming in.

Stars piercing the light pollution, emerging from a pure, blue-skyed day and a cloudless, pitch-dark evening.

Allowing me to know your interior—that which matters more than your achievements, status, or beauty.

Your awareness of the lie in every mirror. Each one displays the outside when what matters is the inside and what you do with it.

For you to survive and grow from the life tests you encountered after those in school.

To hear you ask yourself, “What value do I have?” and “What value does life have?” You alone can find the answer.

That you overcome the anxiety of life and know you have done something heroic.

Making people laugh and smile.

That you don’t say, “I would have done better,” when talking about an experience you never lived through.

The teamwork to save the Western bumble bees, honey bees, and Monarch butterflies. Do you want to join the effort?

That you find love.

Your humility in the face of your opinions and beliefs. You might be wrong, you know, and that is the way we learn.

That you should have many long friendships.

Widespread generosity to support charities. Even giving $1.00. Here is one I like: Feeding America/

Your attention and kindness to the children and all their tomorrows.

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The first photo is a 3-D Gift Image by Vijay Verma. The second shows Afghan Children waiting to receive basic medical care and clothing at Camp Clark, Khowst Province, Afghanistan, on Dec. 22, 2009. It was taken by Staff Sgt. Andrew Smith. Both were sourced from Wikimedia Commons.

A Day For Beauty

The conversations of the day are fraught. One can smell the tension. But other things are more delicate and tender: autumn colors, the stillness of the moon—even a multicolored balloon against the mountains and a bluing sky. Reach out and seek them. They are waiting. Perhaps it is time—a time for beauty.

Most of us needn’t search far. A house plant, a knowingly wise friend’s worn face, the shade or light that enters your residence unexpectedly. Sit in a different place to see with fresh eyes.

Make the time. Look. Listen. In a quiet place, you can hear your heartbeat. Settle on one thing.

The day is fraught. Unmake it. Remake it.

Allow beauty to enter you.

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The wonderous Laura Hedien posted the photograph above in October 2024. It comes from the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta. The image was used with her permission: Laura Hedien Official Website.

Sign Language

Tuesday is the day the garbage trucks return to my block. To prepare, I have two jobs. 

First, I top off the landfill and recycling containers with the weekly junk. Then, I pull them behind me on their rollers to the end of our long driveway. 

As the Buddha said, “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”

His point is that life goes on either way. I don’t chop wood, but I haul trash bins. The Buddha would be pleased, and so is my wife.

Since the refuse vehicle operator arrives early, most neighbors do this the day before, around dinner time. As you can imagine, I live in an enlightened neighborhood.

Here’s the exciting part of last Monday: When I was halfway into the dragging phase, a beautiful, smiling, graceful 30-year-old woman slowed her pace down the sidewalk I was heading for and spoke to me.

“What’s your sign?”

Back in the day, this was a come-on. 

At a bar or a party, someone would move in your direction because they found you attractive and potentially interesting. Referring to your sign could be a conversation starter.

My ears told me the lady in question referred to signs of the Zodiac, which some believe explain your personality. 

They think your daily horoscope hints at what the future holds. Put another way, it’s like a Chinese fortune cookie prediction.

Well, of course, I am an aging babe magnet, I thought, and put on my biggest grin. The charming woman took one step toward me. I continued my gradual roll in her direction and uttered:

“Capricorn.”

“Oh, I like your your sign!”

She seemed enthusiastic to the max.

“Yes, well, it’s the only one I have.”

At this point, the femme fatale raised two thumbs and smiled again but turned and walked away.

What happened? I was at a loss.

Bummer, I thought to myself. Not Boomer, the derogatory expression some young people use to dismiss anyone my age.

Still functioning, I placed the plastic refuse containers at the curb’s edge and began my brief return to the house.

Looking back at my home and the grass in front of it, I figured the whole thing out.

I need to tell you that I wear hearing aids. Though they cost a fortune, they do not reproduce sound as well as tip-top ears. I am at the mercy of mishearing imprecise words and those at some distance.

Like, maybe the gap between me and the lass.

I am also subject to the clutches of a wishful thought or two.

Ahha!

The charmer wasn’t responding to my studly, hunky, ancient self in the way I thought. She never said, “What’s your sign.” She said, “I like your sign,” twice since she realized I had misheard her first attempt.

What was she talking about?

She referred to the placard I placed on my front lawn almost three months ago.

The poster promotes one of the two leading US presidential candidates. A bit late, I realized that the beauty agreed with my advocacy of one of them.

Harris.

See you at the polls.

You never know who you might meet there.

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The Singapore Safety Sign is the work of Uwe Arana. The sign below it is the Penguins Crossing Funny Road Sign from New Zealand. It was created by MSeses. Both were sourced from Wikimedia Commons

Knowing What You Don’t Know: Predicting Your Future

There are lots of intelligent people out there. Some believe they know everything and some think they know everything in their specialty.

A smaller number recognize that we are all missing a lot.

Given that we can only be sure about the world as it is (at best), we are particularly challenged by future uncertainties.

If one wishes to flourish in a rapidly changing world, he or she does well to begin humbly, knowing mistakes will happen, but also considering how best to approach the time ahead. In part, this begins with looking at what we can learn from the past and the patterned signals of what worked for us and what did not.

Learning — forever needing to learn — terrifies some. For others, it is a glorious opportunity. With that in mind, Wynne Leon and Vicki Atkinson just released a podcast in which they interviewed me about The Perils of Prediction.

The discussion is based on an earlier blog post of mine concerning the difficulty of making good predictions.

In the last section of the podcast (the video clip below), I discuss how to prepare for lives and conditions we can’t fully predict.

I invite you to read my earlier post or listen to all or part of my conversation with Wynne and Vicki.

Here’s to creating the best possible future for all of us.

Learning “The Tricks of the Trade”: How a Therapist Gains Confidence

Therapists are born with the capacity to become confident but have only that possibility when they begin seeing patients as a part of their training. The trainees watch videos of their work, listen to changes in their voice, and observe their own body language, as well as a client’s movements, subtle changes of expression, and tone of voice. These budding psychologists receive guidance regarding when to speak, when to remain quiet, and whether a topic is ripe for attention or still too tender to touch.

Any and all of these considerations play a part in how the treatment process moves forward, if indeed it progresses at all.

Learning your craft is painstaking and painful. Your supervisors describe every weakness and strength. They should. The best of them challenge you to make yourself into what you must become to serve your clients. Your human flaws are dissected and examined. Left untreated, the new professional will inflict them onto and into the people he promised to care for.

It isn’t easy. It shouldn’t be easy. But it helps you become the best you can be, someone who is worthy of trust and an individual who accumulates wisdom if it is in you to learn what the human soul consists of — the light and the dark of it.

If you are as conscientious as you should be, you will take your failures and successes home at the start of your career. Yes, a counselor must learn to keep a therapeutic distance and protect himself from complete identification with the client’s suffering. Your best work cannot cause your own emotional collapse, but you must not be indifferent.

The whole enterprise of psychotherapy is a tightrope walk.

There are no shortcuts; if you are doing your job, you must keep up with the literature in your field of expertise. You are expected to be an expert, but that requires you to grow as the body of knowledge in your area grows. No one will pay you for this; no one will applaud this. It is your responsibility.

Funny, but one of the best comments on excellence in any field comes from a famous baseball pitcher, Vernon Law:

Some people are so busy
learning the tricks of the trade
that they never learn the trade.

I recently discussed that trade with Wynne Leon and Dr. Victoria Atkinson for their podcast, Sharing the Heart of the Matter:

Episode 20: The Art of the Interview with Dr. Gerald Stein on Anchor.

During our conversation, we talked about some of the things I learned and how I came to learn them during sessions with my clients, interviewing members of the Chicago Symphony for its Oral History Project, and working as an expert witness. I also described my understanding of the human tendency to render simplistic judgments of others. Finally, Wynne Leon and Dr. Atkinson asked me about matters of the heart involving a psychiatrist I knew, Dr. Jerry Katz, and my father.

Those matters of the heart fit the focus of Sharing the Heart of the Matter.

I hope you will listen: Episode 20: The Art of the Interview with Dr. Gerald Stein on Anchor.

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The photo of A Session with a Psychotherapist is the work of Mike Renlund. It was sourced from Wikimedia Commons.

Who Will You be in Twenty Years?

Once we reach adulthood, most of us believe we possess a permanent essence. We are not identical to others but unique and different, expecting to remain much as we are. 

Holding this belief, we plan for the future, assuming our happiness will depend on whether we achieve our twenty-something goals.

Ah, but goals change, at least for many. Moreover, the exact form of our transformations can’t be predicted. Here is a simple example:

As a boy, I loved vanilla ice cream, chocolate less, strawberry never.

Surprise!

In middle age, I discovered I fancied the strawberry flavor, like my father, and now, as my oldest grandson does.

My first awareness of such possible alterations began in 1971 when I listened to a radio broadcast of the Mahler Symphony #2 given the year before at Tanglewood, the summer home of the Boston Symphony. Leonard Bernstein (LB) conducted.

The 80-minute Resurrection Symphony (as it is called) moved me to make myself a promise. If I ever had enough money to take a trip to wherever LB performed it again, I’d do so.

Time passed. I completed school, and my professional life began. Bernstein continued his own.

After more than 15 years, I read the announcement I’d been waiting for. The New York Philharmonic would offer the music under Lenny’s baton in April 1987. I made the trip.

You could say I expected too much. Perhaps. But veteran music lovers recognize no two performances are identical, even within the same few days. The rendition was fine, but the rocket to the celestial realm failed to arrive.

Why?

The simple answer was this: Lenny and I were more than a decade older. Before the downbeat, I’d attended a few live presentations of the same work, caught many recordings of the composition, and lived a fistful of years.

That slice of my existence contained numerous shake-ups, shake-offs, amendments, revisions, complications, joys of the heart, and tweaks of all kinds. Tempests arrived and departed, fears were faced and faded, and triumphs and defeats lived in and through.

I imagine the conductor would have said something similar, though he came in an older body, one he was wearing out.

In its entire nature, the aging process can’t be anticipated. We cannot predict who we will become, no matter what we believe.

We understand mortality not at all unless a near-death experience has convincingly threatened us. Our knowledge of personal death is otherwise abstract, neither gripping nor complete.

Just so, imagining the fullness of the career I enjoyed was unknown, nor how my children and patients would transform me.

Does your crystal ball foresee what doors will open to you, what people you will encounter, the accidents ahead, or the betrayals of your body by your body? 

Who can predict the lucky breaks, world events to be written in history books, the kind and unkind people around the corner, or the impact of a thousand other things?

Neither your brain nor your physical makeup is a stationary entity. 

According to the April 1, 2021 issue of Scientific American*, “In 80 to 100 days, 30 trillion (cells) will have replenished—the equivalent of a new you.” The automated process will reinvent you to some degree regardless of your best efforts in exercise and diet.

Trust me, you will not be the same and shouldn’t be the same, given the tuition-free experience of a lifetime.

Were you to meet your older self on the street, you might perceive the resemblance but not the full character of the fellow.

I’d venture that most of us believe the wisdom of the old is the gift of self-awareness and experience rather than changes to the operation of our brain and body. If the common man is correct, how do we account for the extraordinary intensity of emotion we observe in an active child?

He did not learn this.

In our teens, we continue to possess a similar intensity, perhaps more on occasion. Still, it begins to decline so that many unwise, unthinking, non-self-reflective souls often appear sedate and thoughtful before their end.

Rather than supposing such a one grew from increasing mastery and reconsideration of his mistakes, I’d venture his body often took the lead in the mellowness and acceptance the years delivered.

In Plato’s Republic, the author recalls a conversation between Socrates and an aged friend:

Socrates: There is nothing which for my part I like better, Cephalus, than conversing with aged men; for I regard them as travelers who have gone a journey which I too may have to go, and of whom I ought to inquire, whether the way is smooth and easy, or rugged and difficult.

And this is a question I should like to ask of you who have arrived at that time which the poets call the ‘threshold of old age’: Is life harder towards the end, or what report do you give of it?

Cephalus: I will tell you, Socrates, what my own feeling is. Men of my age flock together; we are birds of a feather, as the old proverb says, and at our meetings the complaint of my acquaintances commonly is, ‘I cannot eat, I cannot drink; the pleasures of youth and love are fled away; there was a good time once, but now that is gone, and life is no longer life.’

Some complain of the slights put upon them by relations, and they will tell you sadly how many evils their old age is the cause.

But to me, Socrates, these complainers seem to blame that which is not really at fault. For if old age were the cause, I too, being old, and every other old man would have felt as they do. But this is not my own experience, nor that of others whom I have known.

How well I remember the aged poet Sophocles. He was asked, ‘How does love suit with age, Sophocles? Are you still the man you were?’ He replied, ‘Peace! Most gladly have I escaped the thing of which you speak; I feel as if I had escaped from a mad and furious master.

Four points should be emphasized:

  1. Socrates was about 71 at the time of his death.
  2. Years before, he could not have forecast that he would be sentenced to death for impiety and corrupting the youth of Athens by encouraging in them the thoughtful questioning he practiced.
  3. A reduction in sex drive is standard in aged men, many of whom are at relative peace with it. No man in his prime would find the decline or the acceptance imaginable. Of those who maintain an active sex life in old age, few say the experience is as mindblowing as during their sexual heyday.
  4. There is much to enjoy for curious seniors who maintain adequate but imperfect health, good luck, and enough money to meet their needs without significant concern. Other advantages include a sense of calm, freedom from many worries and responsibilities, self-acceptance, and gratitude for what remains. Of course, the present is not identical to their past life. Much of their joy comes from friendship, children, and grandchildren, not heroic achievements.

Shakespeare, among others, noted we are “time’s fool,” meaning that time plays with us as ancient kings did with their court jesters (also called fools), kept nearby to entertain the monarch.

We do not know how much time we have and who we will be as we progress through whatever allotment comes our way. Nor is the breathtaking acceleration of the day’s pace conceivable until we find each 24 hours speeding ahead.

Best to fulfill your hopes early, especially if their fulfillment requires the energy, enthusiasm, and intensity a young body was made for.

Bucket lists come without guarantees. If it is unlikely that you can grasp the experience of mid-life and old age ahead of time, the list may need unexpected revision.

Those much older folks look strange, don’t they?

You see, I am time’s fool, as well.

I laugh more than ever in playing my part.

If “all the world’s a stage,” as Shakespeare said, I have been well cast.

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*The authors of the Scientific American article are Mark Fischetti and Jen Christiansen. 

All of the images above are sourced from Wikiart.org/ In order from the top, they are Futuristic Woman, 1911, by David Burliuk, Flight to the Future by Wojciech Siudmak, Teiresias Foretells the Future of Odysseus by Henry Fuseli, ca. 1800, and Future, 1943, by Agnes Lawrence Pelton.

Why Does Suffering Happen?

Good and bad, up and down, things happen. We prefer wins over losses and joy rather than sadness. While treatment often helps with suffering, reducing distress isn’t sufficient for a thoughtful therapist or client.

Most of us attempt to understand why we suffer. The attempt to reckon with this fact of life is called a philosophical approach to suffering, as described by Professor Edith Hall in discussing ancient Greek Tragedy.

Many answers have been offered, of which Dr. Hall mentions the first two below:

  • The individual who experienced a tragic event did something “stupid.” The person made a mistake. “He should have known better,” we might say to ourselves. In other words, the man made an error in judgment.
  • The misfortune goes far beyond what can be fully explained. The Professor cites Oedipus as an example. This king is arrogant and impulsive, not inclined to listen to advice or display kindness, but hasn’t earned the horror that befalls him.

  • A more satisfying answer can be found in the New Testament. Romans 8:28 tells us, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” In other words, something positive will come from misfortune.
  • What is commonly referred to as Bad Karma is thought to be the result of your behavior in present or previous lives. Hindu sects suggest you must improve your actions and thoughts through successive reincarnated lives until you reach perfection. Doing so allows you to escape the cycle of death and rebirth on earth.
  • Some fundamentalist religions ascribe misfortune to a failure of your personal faith. They sometimes point to your misunderstanding of what God requires, leaving the directives of their “only true religion” unfulfilled.
  • Stoic philosophers tell us misfortune occurs within the regular unfolding of human existence. We suffer because we are mortal, subject to worldly events. Hurtful challenges offer opportunities to improve ourselves but aren’t fashioned by divine authority. We are left with the necessity of growing and taking on life as it is, not as we wish it could be. The Stoics encourage reminding ourselves of life’s brevity, living with the urgency such awareness imposes, and focusing on what we control. Since we cannot change the conditions, they suggest we accept them.

  • Speaking in a general way, Buddhism tells us life is suffering. To endure the pain and reach an elevated state (Nirvana), one is advised to empty himself of wanting and desire, two sources of unhappiness. The aim is to surrender our sense of individuality and merge with a higher state of being, a spiritual awakening known as “no self.” Meditation helps. Hinduism and Buddhism take various forms, as many religions do.
  • Let’s not forget the devil, a creature sometimes blamed for our catastrophes. Unfortunately, once we begin calling people “evildoers” or similar names, we move closer to harming them and becoming like the individuals we hate.
  • I’ll limit this list to one more cause of adversity: poor luck, randomness, or a lack of discoverable reasons. You walk down the block, and a falling brick strikes you. A shame.

Any solution to the “why” question must offer comfort. We’d probably be less inclined to keep asking such questions if they provided a satisfying and lasting answer. Watching dramatic enactments or reading books that keep the issue before us indicates we don’t easily let go of our preoccupation.

One way we try to quell our worries is to find heroic defenders. A strong mate, a gifted physician, and a charismatic political leader can serve this purpose. History tells us about injured soldiers in every war crying for their mothers.

Outside of reliance on others, most attempts to quiet the fear of suffering require regular “practice.” For example, Bible reading, the Stoic’s daily reminder of his mortality, and the Buddhist’s quiet meditation. All attempt to soothe or dismiss the looming possibility of future hardship.

Still, we are left with some related concerns. When misfortune occurs to someone else, do we feel better? Perhaps, if we believe their “mistakes” offer us the confidence we will not duplicate what they did.

The religious answers suggest some order exists in the universe. On the other hand, the presence of random unpredictability tends to be unsatisfying at least, terrifying at worst.

Do we blame others more than we blame ourselves when things go poorly? That is consistent with my observation, though not true of everyone. Humans are gifted with psychological defenses against full awareness of their flaws.

Is there any advantage to asking the question of why we suffer? I’d say yes. It can prepare you for unexpected events.

Considering the question may also raise your level of compassion and kindness, not setting you above the remainder of humanity.

Thus, the topic inclines us to embrace our universal circumstances as fellow suffers. As one might say, “There but for the grace of God go I.”

We are all mortals — every living being on the planet. We share the need to join together to make enlightened use of our fleeting time on earth. To do otherwise will leave us vulnerable to circumstances beyond individual control.

The question of philosophical suffering is optional, of course. There is no requirement to think about it or provide a specific answer.

One could argue too much preoccupation with such thoughts carries its own distress. If you think about how we live, no small part of our time is spent worrying about trivial issues. Much of our attention is put into self-distraction or various forms of entertainment.

It is your life to do as you wish. Choose wisely.

This fellow human wishes you the best life possible.

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The top image is a Question Mark Choice created by quimono. After the brief youtube video featuring Dr. Hall comes Meditation at Empty Cloud Monastery by Rikku411. The final photo is called Reading in Solitude, the work of benwhitephotography. All are derived from Wikimedia Commons.

Have You Been Morally Lucky?

In the year my wife and I returned to Chicago from my stint as an East Coast college professor, we encountered a surprising November snowfall. I remember heading for work on the morning after the Thursday evening whitening of the autumn world.

We lived in an apartment building located in the city’s Northwest corner. My work-a-day routine was always the same. I drove the half-block west from Summerdale toward a dependable stop sign. It never failed to be on the job.

The speed limit on the perpendicular road ahead was 35 miles an hour. I needed to take care and look for a break in the traffic before making a 90 degree right turn.

The snow said otherwise.

My sedan skidded as I approached the stopping place and knifed forward. No stop, no checking for other cars, just a horrifying bolt into no-man’s land.

Nothing happened, no other vehicles. I reached the opposite side of the thoroughfare feeling hugely lucky. Not only in the conventional sense but “morally lucky.”

What does that mean?

Though I didn’t exceed the required pace as I neared the STOP, the law argues I was going too fast “for conditions.”

Yes, I could have been injured, perhaps killed. Yes, I could have done the same to someone else.

What is less obvious is a hypothetical responsibility. A typical reaction to my story lacks the unfortunate ending to call the thought to mind. No harm, no moral implications. This is as much or as little as we think about it.

But what if my misguided missile shot into the intersection and killed someone? Then, I guarantee you, blame enters the theater. Then, part of the human race says I was irresponsible or careless. “He should have known better.”

I’d not disparage those who judged me in the lethal version of the incident. Indeed, I can’t find any unfairness in finger-wagging at a less than 100% irresponsibility or carelessness on my part. I drove the car, and the license allowing me the privilege demanded I do better.

Please understand, I’m sure no one would think of my behavior in moral terms, good or bad, but for bodily injury to another. Without an accident, the label “lucky” alone applies.

I offer this meditation on an everyday occurrence to reveal two things:

  • Human well-being, positive or negative, turns on incidents like this.
  • The judgment rendered by that same humanity rests on many such accidents or their absence.

But it is even more complicated.

Are you inclined to fault a person born under different conditions than your own who becomes a drug addict, a criminal, or a vagrant? Does the place you and the other land on the first day of life alter your chances of being a “good” person?

Is this not another version of the slippery street and the happenstance of a late-night snowfall? Is this not akin to my ramming someone or entering an empty boulevard?

Most of us applaud the hard work, resilience, or wisdom we possess, pointing to such qualities when explaining our relative “success.”

I encourage everyone to reflect with gratitude on the genetic lottery’s part in predetermined advantageous physical, emotional, and intellectual gifts. Thank God if you choose.

You and I are among the morally lucky some of the time. Who might any of us have become in another setting? With other parents or in a different country?

For myself, on another day, or a minute earlier or later, I might have caused another’s death driving along as I did.

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The images are the work of Laura Hedien with her permission: Laura Hedien Official Website. The first is called Metra Train Platform, 8/20. The second is an Alaska Road Sign, 2021.