When I was a kid, like all the boys who came before and after me, I learned to deal with bullies. Some fellows fled, others took them on.
One young man-mountain, who was tall and overweight, sat on me once. Another, whose fiery red hair matched the impression that I should stay away, had a beautiful girlfriend whose mother abused her.
She was drawn to such people.
No matter, I stood my ground in defense of one of my brothers and discovered it was worse to be a coward than to take a licking. A few lickings.
At my pugilistic best, I knocked the air out of a classmate named Ernie. It was terrifying to watch him on the ground, writhing and gasping for breath. There is no satisfaction in doing harm, no matter the justification.
As I got older, I discovered that I did better with words than fists. I didn’t always prevail, but I became the person I wanted to be over the course of years.
Matching wits in cross-examination as an expert witness is exhilarating and exhausting, but informs you who you are if you don’t already know. I excelled at it, though it wasn’t a large part of my practice.
Bullies are still present in the world, even though I am well past the point of a street brawl. And while I am not a joiner, you will find me at some rallies and marches. The cause is just, and the exhilaration of a courtroom joust is not so different than joining others for a worthy cause.
The photo above is somewhat like a man in an empty suit. He tries to scare you, but there is really not much to him.
Life is full of tough guys, and we all encounter frauds like the Wizard of Oz, but when you check behind the screen, the loud boasting reminds you of the kids who used to push you around if you let them.
I am old, and I got tired of being afraid some time ago.
As the Stoics of antiquity remind us, tests offer opportunities. Seneca wrote:
Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to turn inward and to invoke our own inner resources. The trials we endure can and should introduce us to our strengths.
Only then do we discover who we are.
I am not very pleased to take on such contests. I wasn’t, either, as a kid, but it was necessary then, and it is needed now.
I have grandchildren, you know.
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The “Ghost Sculpture” was sourced from James Lucas on Substack.
Ah, an incredible post to remind us to stand up to bullies. I love your statement, “I became the person I wanted to be over the course of years.” Thank goodness for that — I’m in awe of your strength and will join you to march and protest!
Thank you, Wynne. The future of our children and grandchildren is in our hands. They are fortunate to have a mother who faced down mountains.
I love this post, Dr. Stein. When we fail to stand up to or call out bullying behavior, especially for those who lack the means to defend themselves because of their color, ethnicity, religion, sexual preference, etc., then we’re part of the problem.
I smiled at the grandchild comment because I feel that same need to set the best example for my grandson.
Thank you, Pete. There is no place to hide, as the history books remind us. I think about my grandchildren a lot, as you do. To me, their future matters more than my own. That makes my actions an easy choice.
I don’t have grandchildren, but I stand with every child worldwide. When bullies wield the power of the law, we should be afraid.
Bullies certainly try to install fear, Rosaliene. They hope it will defeat and humiliate us. To me, the only humiliation would be to look in the mirror and find myself unworthy of the moment.
Standing up to bullies takes many forms. Learning how to stand up to bullies in a non-violent way seems to be this weekend’s theme, which only seems to underscore the importance of learning and then practicing this way.
Yes, Tamara, your recent blog gave a good example of how one person stood up to a bully. Those who act in defense of our democracy have many lawful ways of doing so, not least of which are public assembly, rallies, and marches; calling your congressmen, writing letters and postcards, and making political contributions.
“I am not very pleased to take on such contests. I wasn’t, either, as a kid, but it was necessary then, and it is needed now.” Amen. Well said. We have to stand up to the bullies in our lives no matter where we find them.
Thanks, Brian. Of course, these days, more than a few are proud to reveal themselves. Kindergarten has made a return visit!
A well-timed post, dear Dr. Stein…for many reasons, not least of which is this:
…”it was worse to be a coward than to take a licking…”
Agree, agree. Thank you! 💝
Very much appreciated, Vicki. All have their part, however small, in helping and contributing.
Some kids being bullies is expected, but adults in great positions of leadership and authority behaving that way is just sad. I guess some people never mature.
Never mature is one way to put it, I agree. The label immature is surely accurate, but also falls short. Beyond that, we are left with seeking an explanation for those who enable bullies. The flaws in the human race are extensive, in my view. Thanks, Edward.
Absolutely, Dr. Stein. I just want to keep it G-rated, but I have a few stronger and more accurate terms in mind. I’m a strong believer in Harvard professor Barbara Kellerman’s theory that bad followership enables bad leadership and, like you said, it’s a flaw in the human race for sure.
Thanks a million for this much needed courage booster, Gerald. We all tend to underestimate how much strength and power we have. All the best.
You are welcome, Frank, but I would say you know more about courage than I do. You have fought death to a standstill. Staying alive, you are a model for all of us.