We take many things for granted. Healthy young people don’t think of their bodies as an enormous gift. They take their physical capabilities as they are, with little thought.
Vision, walking, listening, and talking fall into the same category.
I understand a bit about hearing loss via accident. Six years ago, an ENT (ear, nose, and throat specialist) tried to remove wax from my left ear using a suction machine. The device made a screech (her word), impairing my ability to enjoy music without distortion thereafter.
Within six months, I’d come to accept my circumstances and bounce back to my baseline level of happiness. This year, I obtained new AI hearing aids that mitigate the damage to a degree I never expected.
A remarkable gift.
Humans tend not to anticipate the loss of others until they are gone, unless the relationship is already strained or heavily dependent on continuing support. One of the first experiences of such heartbreak in a child’s life occurs when a friend and her parents move away.
A possibly apocryphal story involves the famous baseball player Mickey Mantle, who had nightmares after his retirement. The dream found him attempting to crawl under a fence to return to playing at Yankee Stadium.
The slugger never made it onto the field in his sleeping fantasy. He got stuck beneath the imaginary barrier.
Some of those who were upset by the November 2024 election have discovered how much they assumed the republican form of democracy would last, as it had for almost 250 years.
When something is lost or we live with dread about the possibility, the value we place on the person or skill often increases. In cases where the prize remains retrievable, the individual may make an effort to prevent its disappearance.
Think of getting a new doctor to save a life, trying a painful or experimental treatment, or taking political action to defend a nation,
There are limits. Mickey Mantle never got back to his old ballpark except in a non-playing capacity. Performers on stage cannot retrieve the gifts of their youth and sometimes make the mistake of continuing their professional appearances to the point of embarrassment or worse.
Applause is like an addiction.
Arturo Toscanini, the famous symphony conductor, made his final appearance as leader of his NBC Orchestra in 1954, at the age of 87. In the next-to-last composition on the program, he froze. The maestro was later thought to have suffered a TIA (a mini-stroke).
Changes in attractiveness call up the issue of human vanity. The Wicked Queen in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs did not accept it when her stepdaughter began to outshine her in beauty. Rather than be less than “the fairest of them all,” as her magic mirror had always told her, she decided to murder her young competitor.
Humanity’s challenge is to adapt, from the beginning to the end of life. That said, the youthful can’t comprehend how much they will be changed by the hand of time. The future alterations of their qualities and the people they care about must be lived through to be understood.
Too often, appreciation of health and good fortune comes late.
A few are wise about this, however.
Sandy Koufax, the legendary Los Angeles Dodger pitcher, retired at age 30 due to chronic elbow pain, not wishing to cause permanent damage to his arm. The lefthander did not look back with regret, having achieved the top of his profession.
I’ve got a lot of years to live after baseball and I would like to live them with the complete use of my body. I don’t regret one minute of the last twelve years, but I think I would regret one year that was too many.[
As a consequence, Koufax, now 89, is remembered for his glorious final seasons, escaping the decline many performers experience in their last days on the field.
From the outside, the audience has an easier time adjusting to such things.
I attended numerous recitals by the pianist Rudolf Serkin. When age caught up to him, I decided not to attend any more of his performances. I wished to remember him as he was at the peak of his artistic technique and imagination, not as a man who should have left earlier.
Mother Nature has her way, with some surgical exceptions. Cosmetic surgery is a prime example of the value placed on appearance.
Losses also confer unexpected benefits. Research reveals that men and women tend to be happier in old age than in youth and midlife.
Loren Olsen notes in Psychology Today that improvements in perspective and attitude can be associated with aging, despite the unwanted physical and mental changes that aging entails. His list includes:
- Acceptance of self and others
- The desire for a deeper connection
- Wisdom and empathy
- Capacity for forgiveness
- Gratitude
- Resilience
- Less emotional volatility and impulsivity
Urgency due to the shortness of time ahead need not cause anxiety and terror. Many make the most of their remaining time instead of wasting it. The value of time increases when Mother Nature does not compromise the body and brain excessively.
I don’t imagine you want to become old, but you might be surprised at how much pleasure you take when you are.
As WFMT radio’s Studs Terkel used to say, “Take it easy, but take it.”
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The list quoted from Loren Olsen was obtained from the online version of Psychology Today, July 21, 2023: To Be Happier, Start Thinking Like an Old Person: The Paradoxes of Aging, Mental Health, and Positivity.
The photos, in order, are of Mickey Mantle in 1956, Mantle hitting a home run in the 1952 World Series on YouTube, Sandy Koufax in 1964, Arturo Toscanini, and Rudolf Serkin.
Another gem, dear Dr. Stein. I rather like these Sunday morning arrivals in my in-box. Staring at the pink stripe of sun as it rises today, your thought: “Too often, appreciation of health and good fortune comes late” feels like a bounty of gratitude to start the day. Many thanks! 😊❤️😊
I cannot take credit for the sun or the deer in your backyard, but am delighted that you find the joy in both of them. Life teaches us, plays tricks, and waits for us to adapt. You ought to teach a course on it. Thanks, Vicki.
Ahhh. What a lovely idea. Thank you!
❤️🥰❤️
I so agree with this. my 68th birthday will be in a couple of days and I know it to be true, at least in my life. I have been a mother, a wife, a daughter, have gone to school for 20 years, worked in the fields of fitness, hospitality, advertising, and finally teaching and retired when I was at the top of my game, loving what I did, but ready for my next phase of life – having the freedom to choose to do exactly what I wanted to do with my time most every day and I’ve never looked back. I loved what I did and I love what I’m becoming every day.
I am taken with your last sentence, in particular, Beth: “I loved what I did and I love what I’m becoming every day.” Those who fight Mother Nature will find that she always wins in the long run. Taking on life each day includes the version of ourself who shows up. It sounds like you meet each day as it comes. Keep going and all my best!
Hi – I was particularly taken with this statement of yours: “This year, I obtained new AI hearing aids that mitigate the damage to a degree I never expected.” As a lifelong music lover I am suffering significant hearing loss in recent years, and find that even the very expensive hearing aids do not help with music. As a result, one of life’s greatest pleasures has retreated significantly. I am searching for new devices that will improve this and have set up an appointment with my audiologist to look into a new deice which comes highly recommended by a woman I know who is a regular concert goer and who said this makes a significant difference. What is the device that has helped you greatly after your ENT disaster?
I also find noisy restaurants a disaster and won’t eat at them; nor, alas, do cinemas have good enough sound systems or aids to make soundtrack dialogue comprehensible so I now only watch at home on streaming services that provide subtitles.
Finally, re great artists who stay on too long: Toscanini had a momentary memory lapse at that concert, which panicked everyone in the studio, the first ever in his very long career, so he hung up his baton thereafter. And, sadly, I agree with Serkin, who I revere as a pianist, artist, and mensch, made his late recordings which should never have been issued.
But some do continue onto late age with brilliant success. A few years ago, I did an adult ed course on “Octogenarian creativity in music” and the lists of pianists and conductors who continued into even their nineties, was amazing. Alas (again), few violinists or cellists and none in the other other choirs (brass, woodwind). I revere Herbert Blomstedt and followed him eagerly at every concert he gave here in Cleveland, and he is now in Tokyo for concerts, including Bruckner symphonies (!!) at 98.
Thanks for your encouraging perspectives on coping with life’s vagaries!
Eric
Dear Eric, I deeply feel for you, being myself a musician, about your hearing problems.
Friendly hope you’ll find a solution and enjoy playing and listening again the best you can.
Couldn’t imagine myself the loss of my playing as a pianist and will never recover emotionally from my singer’s voice loss, which was my instrument and my career onstage.
Auguri di cuore!
I feel fortunate that as my body ages it’s been a slow process, easily adaptable, versus a major change that some may experience. Adjusting at a steady pace, the gift of time brings gratitude.
Exactly, Deb. Here’s to your continued health and well-being!
What a fascinating essay, Dr. Stein. The contrast between Mickey Mantle and Sandy Koufax is striking. And I love, “I don’t imagine you want to become old, but you might be surprised at how much pleasure you take when you are.”
I find it hilarious to hear my kids talk about old age. For me, I’m just glad I’m getting older because each day on this planet is a blessing. Thank you for the reminder!
Mantle and Koufax both played in pain for most of their Major League careers, but were very different men otherwise. Mantle feared the Hodgkin’s Disease that killed his father at age 40. Koufax went to college and read serious books, something atypical of ballplayers in those days. I had the good luck to see Mantle hit a home run left handed and another one right handed in the same game at old Comiskey Park.
From this distance you are still young and entirely remarkable. Your kids are very lucky. The world is better with you in it, Wynne.
I rarely think about my age. There are times when I’m filling out some form that I have to do a math problem to recall how old I am. 😊 One aspect of aging that I appreciate the most is realizing I can’t waste time trying to work up my courage. Instead of worrying about the consequences, I’m much more likely just to go for it.
Your take on courage sounds just right to me, Pete. Indeed, at any age we should not sit and wait for the courage to find us, but take it in our hands and dive in. Thank you.
Dr. Stein, this is a another great, wisdom-filled piece. I’ve half-joked that I don’t fear old age because I’ve already experienced the frailty, stiffness, incontinence, and severe cognitive deficits that others dread. It’s survivable and, as you allude to, when we can recognize the gradual natural decline, we can also gradually ease into it like a steaming hot tub, slowing becoming accustomed to changes, which often aren’t as bad we had imagined.
And this line, in particular, struck a chord for me: “I don’t imagine you want to become old, but you might be surprised at how much pleasure you take when you are.” While I’m sure few would consider me old, I find that each year is better than the last, so I fully believe that to be true.
You know some things about exhaustion and pain that I did not learn until much later. You were tested very young. Be healthy, Erin.
Even though we adapt to age, youth is something to cherish if it comes with good health.
Yes, absolutely! One of my favorite stories to share is my grandparents moving into an “active living community” in their mid-80s and moving out within a few months because “there were too many boring old people!”… they lived another decade, active and healthy. Being alive really is something to cherish and take full advantage of.
Dr. Stein, thanks for your upbeat perspective on aging. Far too often, I get sidelined by all the things I can no longer do with ease. As Loren Olsen notes, we do gain a lot with the passing of time and lived experience. I guess that aging gracefully is yet another art to embrace in our elder years.
I’m glad that you now have AI hearing aids that enhance your appreciation of music.
Thank you, Rosaliene. The hearing aids have not made me as good as new, but good enough. A totally unexpected event.
Adaptability is one thing, resignation another. There is a blurry line between acceptance of what cannot be changed and giving up (or giving in) as one ages. I know it is very personal and individual, but I have witnessed this and it saddens me. Loved ones not taking care of themselves, using their age as an excuse for not trying or learning new things, settling for a sedentary life which leads to frailty. And that leads to only one outcome.
Agreed, Evelyn. Some capitulate, whether in politics or the art of living. Life throws us many challenges. As you suggest, more is the pity when there would still be more life, if only.
Wow! Get out of my mind! LOL!!
Seropis;y this has been on my mind. I’ll try to keep-
Acceptance of self and others
The desire for a deeper connection
Wisdom and empathy
Capacity for forgiveness
Gratitude
Resilience
Less emotional volatility and impulsivity in mind.
Thank you!
L
I am glad this hit the target for you, Laura. I will be cheering for you! You are welcome.
Magnifico testo, dottor Stein e come sempre in risonanza “junghiana” con quanto vivo nel presente!
Will share my own considerations later as I’m very busy with concerts preparation (from mid- novembre until after Epiphany, the most packed period for musicians!)
Besides I’m in a train to Milano to attend my veneered pianist Mikhail Pletnëv’s recital tonight, Bach, Grieg and unbearably beautiful Schumann’s “Kreisleriana”.
My heart is already beating 1000 tours à la seconde!
Wonderful that you take such great joy from the arts, Micaela. Thank you for your praise. I hope Pletnev fulfilled your dreams.
There are no words I could possibly use to describe the unbeareably deepness of Mikhail Pletnëv yesterday…
Four Preludes and Fugues by Bach, and, oh my God, “Kreisleriana” to die for…
The final movement…the final bars…the last bars suspended on void…dissolving my soul in the spheres…death…
Great, poor crazy Schumann, so pitied his terribly dramatic fate; one of my favourite composers, sang almost all his songs…
Good he had Clara, luminous soul, at his side.
Maybe had Schumann had a Dottor Stein or my wonderful Fazia for help…
But these were other times…
During the concert I was crying all time, trembling, mute breath and heart…
Grace.
Only this word comes to my mind.
Il Signor Pletnëv è la mia epifania, il mio fratello in musica io modesta musicista.
When he quits the stage I immediately feel orphan.
Unhappily he isn’t performing anymore on your side of ocean, a great loss.
Dottor Stein, buy instead his last CD, by Deutsche Granmophon (announced as a première last night): Chopin’s Preludes op.28 coupled with Scriabin’s Preludes op. 11, a duo he regularly performs on stage.
(Heard it several times live, a life experience…).
I’ll carry my emotions back home in my wonderful house immersed in a green nature on the shores of lake Maggiore…
They will keep on inspiring me to practice practice practice and share Beauty, the one that “will save the world” (Prince Mishkin, “Idiot”, Dostoïevsky), my gift on earth, n’y duty, my responsibility.
Exactly the theme of your text, but of course, Micaela’s Italian crazy style!
Buona giornata, caro dottor Stein.
(A happy hasard made possible a very short talk with the artist yesterday, ma questa è un altra storia.)
Wonderful! I have never heard Pletnev in concert: my loss. We share appreciation of “The Idiot,” and the Prince. Thank you so much for describing the concert for me. I will look forward to hearing more of Pletnev on disc. Be well, Micaela.
I like your examples of Sandy Koufax and the pianist Rudolf Serkin. Doing things only for the applause is not optimal. I think we should continue to pursue the things we love, but there comes a point when we need to realize that change is necessary, not only for our own well-being but also for the good of others. Your examples were excellent: Koufax chose to retire on a high note, and you stopped attending Serkin’s performances because you wanted to remember him at his peak.
There are too many people who want to stay in the game regardless of age; we only need to look at our executive and Congress to see how damaging that can be. It’s good to age with grace and with enough energy to do other things besides chasing applause.
AI hearing aids? That’s a pretty nice use of technology.
Yes to AI hearing aids, Edward. I am less certain about AI and our future. Thanks for your kudos. If you are a baseball fan, do read “The Glory of Their Times,” the best baseball book ever.
Cool! I’m more of a basketball fan than a baseball fan, even though baseball is the national sport in Puerto Rico, but I’m going to check it out. Thank you for the recommendation, Dr. Stein.
Well, it is a great book, even compared to many non baseball books. An oral history. FYI, I had the good luck to see Robert Clemente at Wrigley Field. A great athletes and a fine man, as you know.
Wow, what a great opportunity. Yes, Roberto Clemente is our hero, and he died way too young on his way to offer disaster relief. I did a quick check on the book, and I like what I read. I’m going to add it to my reading list. The only sports books I have in my library are about running, so adding this one about baseball history will be a great addition.
A hero, indeed, Edward. We can use a few more.
We absolutely do need a few more.