Part of growing up, at least in the USA, means answering two questions.
Who do you want to be? What do you want to do?
The first is a matter of meaning: your understanding of what life is about and what constitutes a meaningful life. Most think of a desirable feature of existence as a speaking part, a role that makes a difference in the overall story, not just their story.
No one tries to be a nonentity, a cipher, the mathematical equivalent of zero, without significance, influence, or worth. One hopes to make an impact and change things by gaining recognition for one’s outsized talent, rather than remaining invisible.
Another portion of the kind of visibility you’re looking for requires that someone see you as you see yourself. To achieve a role that distinguishes you from others, which is not the same thing, you must overcome whatever fear holds you back from trying to be noticed and understood, set apart from the crowd.
Few wish to take an ambitionless non-speaking role, one that leaves no mark.
In the dark night of the soul, question #1 demands that who you are matches who you appear to be. The alternative is to live every day wearing a mask.
The second question involves how you will get there: how you will achieve a meaningful time on planet Earth. What vocation, job, or calling?
Most find themselves psychologically incomplete as they approach adulthood. The upside-down world necessitates becoming right-side up.
The downside of making a lasting and recognized difference is how difficult it is to do so. Even in the short term, one must realize that a towering splash doesn’t last long. The water falls back in place, as if you had never entered the pool.
Stillness is our default position in the moving picture. Not everyone can be a mover and a shaker. In the end, your self-worth should depend on yourself and not the crowd. That much is achievable.
Start from a place of silence and quiet contemplation. What is troubling you will arise and tell you what you need to change.
People have to learn things, take risks, speak even when others don’t listen, and on occasion declaim, “Here I am. I have given you the best of myself. If that is insufficient I will leave now and not look back.”
Dan Ariely, a Professor of Psychology and Behavioral Economics at Duke University, tells the story of a meeting with friends. One of them raised the question of what gift each would give to everyone in the world, all on the same day, if such an action were possible.
One answer was an empathogen, a psychoactive substance best known as MDMA (ecstasy), thus increasing feelings of empathy in everyone.
Thinking about the meaning of life is worth some time, but I might suggest a more modest answer to the question posed by Ariely’s friend.
My response would be something within my power, not an idealistic, impossible goal.
I do, however, have a couple of friends who have made grand and lasting contributions to medicine. One developed a method of treatment, and another changed a country’s practice of refusing life-saving medicine to a marginalized group. Remarkable, indeed, men named Steven Henikoff and Richard Stern.
For my part, each day, or most of them, I try to make someone smile.
And you?
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The top image is a photo of a Winter Sunrise on Lake Michigan, IL, 2026. It is the masterful creation of Laura Hedien, with her permission: Laura Hedien Official Website.
