Since I am well into the Social Security years, it seems entirely fitting that I should tell you what I have learned about aging. Some it it will be funny, some serious, and some both.
Put simply, I intend to offer guidance about how to survive aging (sort of).
If you read to the end of the upcoming post, you will be entered into a drawing to receive the only know autograph of Methuselah, who is said to have lived 969 years!
See, you are already on your way!
Get ready and good luck!
We wonder, search, and think about what our lives amount to. Take any meaning of life you’ve read about, and many thinkers will offer alternatives.
Consider this one:
What if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness, and say to you, ‘This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence’ … Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: ‘You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine. 1.
The idea of an “eternal return” or “eternal recurrence” belongs to the German philosopher Friederich Nietzsche. However, similar thoughts can be found among Stoic philosophers and in the Hindu and Buddhist religions.
Regarding the meaning of life, however, the famous man may be suggesting something additional.
From an ethical point of view, he raises the issue of whether how you lead your life today grows out of your values. Are you guided by persuasive moral and/or religious standards you would follow if given a second chance?
Nietzsche puts it this way:
The question which thou wilt have to answer before every deed that thou doest: ‘is this such a deed as I am prepared to perform an incalculable number of times?’ 2.
Beyond decisions about right and wrong, the meaning of life can also take another form: Is your existence so fulfilling you would jump to have another life in the pattern of the current one? What is lacking if your answer is no?
Nietzsche offers this thought:
My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati (to love your fate): that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely to bear what is necessary, still less conceal it … but love it. 3.
Whether one or more repetitions or returns to life occur, a related question is worth thinking about: at what point should you determine if your time on earth has been fulfilling, moral, and well-lived?
To find the answer, we turn to the tale of Solon and Croesus. The former was an important statesman and philosopher, and the latter was considered the wealthiest man alive and conqueror of the known world.
When the wise man visited him, King Croesus made sure his servants took him on a tour of the glories of his palace and the treasures he possessed.
The rich man was disappointed to find his guest unimpressed. “Have you ever encountered a more fortunate, happier man?”
The philosopher proceeded to name four.
Of Tellus the Athenian, he said:
Tellus was neither rich nor poor, and all of his children were good and noble; he lived to see them give birth to their children and died an old and respected man while volunteering to fight for his country. 4.
Croesus asked for the identity of a second man whose life was more excellent than his own:
It has to be Aglaus. The man was so happy living on his farm that he never even felt the need to leave it. And that’s where he died, admired by his friends and surrounded by his loving family. 4.
The king persisted in questioning, and Solon told him of two brothers:
Cleobis and Biton, mighty king. They were healthy and beloved youngsters who always had enough to live on. One day, after the oxen of their mother Cydippe went missing, they yoked themselves to the cart and drove their mother for five miles until reaching the Temple of Hera, where she, a priestess, was headed to honor the goddess at a religious festival. Overjoyed and proud, The parent of the young men asked Hera to bestow the best gift upon her children. She did: her boys lay down in the house of prayer and died peacefully in their sleep just moments after. They are still fondly remembered for their strength and devotion.” 4.
Croesus appeared flabbergasted not to be thought of as the most impressive man in existence. The sage gave him an explanation:
You seem to be rich beyond comprehension, and I’m sure that, at this moment, no man can fulfill more of his fantasies than you can in the whole wide world. However, I’ve seen people just as rich as you die more disgraceful deaths than the commonest and poorest of all men. Because, Croesus, man is entirely chance, and nobody knows what the gods may bring tomorrow. You should count no man happy until he dies. 4.
Yours truly is no sage and cannot offer you the final word on the meaning of life. Most people ask this of themselves in any case. You might take a moment to determine what constitutes the significance and fulfillment you search for.
And if you are curious to learn more about Croesus, the glory of his life after the encounter with Solon didn’t last.
Was Solon, therefore, right when he said you should not evaluate the joy in a lifetime before an individual dies?” Perhaps you believe Nietzsche is correct in telling you to embrace and love your fate no matter what it is.
It’s up to you to discover the meaning of your life.
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The three photos above are the superb artistry of Laura Hedien, with her kind permission: Laura Hedien Official Website.
The top image is Peek A Boo Slot Canyon, Utah, 2024. Next is Provo, Utah, Coming In March 2024. Finally, a Railroad Signal Light in the Fog, Lake County IL 2023.
1. http://Schacht, Richard (2001). Nietzsche’s Postmoralism: Essays on Nietzsche’s Prelude to Philosophy’s Future. Cambridge University Press. p. 237. ISBN 978-0-521-64085-5.
2. Ludovici, Anthony M., ed. (1911). “The Eternal Recurrence”. Friedrich Nietzsche: The Twilight of the Idols. §28 – via Project Gutenberg.
3. “Ecce Homo”. Basic Writings of Nietzsche. Translated by Kaufmann, Walter. p. 714.
4. https://www.greekmythology.com/Myths/The_Myths/Solon_and_Croesus/solon_and_croesus.html
Everyone wants acceptance from friends, bosses, and those we love. We also search for self-acceptance, the knowledge of oneself, and satisfaction with who we have become and what we have achieved.
One other kind is not less important. A rewarding life requires assent to the terms of living, the inevitable joys and sorrows, along with all our fellow travelers in the same air and water on or above the earth.
I’m speaking of accepting the rules of the game of existence, which include how to survive, live in the moment, take joy in small things, develop resilience, and mindfulness of the shortness of time.
No other creature knows the last of these conditions. Homo sapiens do.
The other side of the equation is expecting too much and believing time is endless. Thinking we can “have it all” when no one can.
What does all mean?
Those of us in the Western World want a significant measure of wealth and the material well-being that accompanies it. Many seek status and admiration of a substantial kind and amount.
People wish to be known by a select group and accepted for who they are, though this comes with risks.
Virtually everyone prays for a long and healthy life, maintaining the body and appearance of a preferred version of an earlier self. Countless others also hope to produce robust, handsome, happy, and bright children.
Men and women search for a society fit for fellowship, laughter, liberty, and a fair chance at happiness. Most tend to believe they’d “do the right thing” while hoping the daunting challenges pass them by.
One more desire should be added to a potentially longer list. To live in a peaceful world in a country striving for justice and the flourishing climate enjoyed by our grandparents.
Since a guarantee of winning all of the above and the entirety of whatever else you seek is beyond us, I’ll add a more attainable goal.
You can’t have it all, but you can have enough with effort and good fortune. Yes, despite much of it being out of your control in the hands of fate.
No one achieves a delirious, perpetual state of happiness. Even then, it is an elevated mood not because of but in spite of misfortune–looking for life’s randomly distributed good, joyous, incidental kindnesses and strokes of luck even when obtaining joy seems foolish.
Enough depends on rewriting your objectives and discovering a decent share of happiness in a more limited life. It is accepting life’s downside.
Enough is in need of patience with time, friends, (and therapy, if necessary) to return you to the set point of well-being you used to inhabit. Something close, at least.
Enough asks you to empty most of your bucket list and change your goals as you age. You might discover that 4-star restaurants don’t matter to the extent you used to believe, and becoming the chief of the tribe carries more unhappiness than the status it confers.
Enough is recognizing the day is short and choosing a modified catalog of priorities because you realize earthly eternity is out of reach.
Enough means learning to give to others and honoring their value as more fulfilling than receiving riches from them.
Enough is doing your part to repair the world. And being accepted by a few of those with the open hearts you seek.
You have one life. None of us will ever know all the universe’s secrets, win every game, produce a squad of Olympic gold medal children, and never encounter the people who like to fight.
There will always be scoundrels.
Will you rate your life high only if you do and see everything, with a perfect score on each new test?
Shooting for all the glorious targets exists in our imagination but not elsewhere. You, those you love, and the planet depend on a more nuanced set of expectations and efforts.
Modesty, humility, and acceptance provide a softer landing place.
Safe travels.
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The top photo is of A Local Morning Fish Market at Lake Awasa, Ethiopia. Next comes Sunset on the Candian Plains in Saskatchewan in August 2023. They are both the work of Laura Hedien, with her kind permission: Laura Hedien Official Website.
I could tell you this story is about good luck and leave it at that. Or, I could describe it as an example of altruism, which it is also about. Or, maybe I’d tell the tale to highlight friendship, joy, a Chicago newspaper columnist, a water softener company, or opportunity. Perhaps even love.
In truth, all of these factors played an essential part in the lives of myself and eight of my best friends, who made a promise when nearing the end of our time at Chicago’s Mather High School in the 1960s. We agreed to do something that wouldn’t happen until 37 years passed.
I still find it rather hard to believe.
Wynne Leon and Vicki Atkinson asked me to tell this story as the 29th Episode in their series, Sharing the Heart of the Matter: They called it Accidental Philanthropists, and here it is. I hope you enjoy Episode 29: Accidental Philanthropists with Dr. Gerald Stein.
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The Wikipedia Commons photo by Larry D. Moore is called Lady Luck Casino. It was taken in 1983 in Las Vegas.
Good and bad, up and down, things happen. We prefer wins over losses and joy rather than sadness. While treatment often helps with suffering, reducing distress isn’t sufficient for a thoughtful therapist or client.
Most of us attempt to understand why we suffer. The attempt to reckon with this fact of life is called a philosophical approach to suffering, as described by Professor Edith Hall in discussing ancient Greek Tragedy.
Many answers have been offered, of which Dr. Hall mentions the first two below:
Any solution to the “why” question must offer comfort. We’d probably be less inclined to keep asking such questions if they provided a satisfying and lasting answer. Watching dramatic enactments or reading books that keep the issue before us indicates we don’t easily let go of our preoccupation.
One way we try to quell our worries is to find heroic defenders. A strong mate, a gifted physician, and a charismatic political leader can serve this purpose. History tells us about injured soldiers in every war crying for their mothers.
Outside of reliance on others, most attempts to quiet the fear of suffering require regular “practice.” For example, Bible reading, the Stoic’s daily reminder of his mortality, and the Buddhist’s quiet meditation. All attempt to soothe or dismiss the looming possibility of future hardship.
Still, we are left with some related concerns. When misfortune occurs to someone else, do we feel better? Perhaps, if we believe their “mistakes” offer us the confidence we will not duplicate what they did.
The religious answers suggest some order exists in the universe. On the other hand, the presence of random unpredictability tends to be unsatisfying at least, terrifying at worst.
Do we blame others more than we blame ourselves when things go poorly? That is consistent with my observation, though not true of everyone. Humans are gifted with psychological defenses against full awareness of their flaws.
Is there any advantage to asking the question of why we suffer? I’d say yes. It can prepare you for unexpected events.
Considering the question may also raise your level of compassion and kindness, not setting you above the remainder of humanity.
Thus, the topic inclines us to embrace our universal circumstances as fellow suffers. As one might say, “There but for the grace of God go I.”
We are all mortals — every living being on the planet. We share the need to join together to make enlightened use of our fleeting time on earth. To do otherwise will leave us vulnerable to circumstances beyond individual control.
The question of philosophical suffering is optional, of course. There is no requirement to think about it or provide a specific answer.
One could argue too much preoccupation with such thoughts carries its own distress. If you think about how we live, no small part of our time is spent worrying about trivial issues. Much of our attention is put into self-distraction or various forms of entertainment.
It is your life to do as you wish. Choose wisely.
This fellow human wishes you the best life possible.
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The top image is a Question Mark Choice created by quimono. After the brief youtube video featuring Dr. Hall comes Meditation at Empty Cloud Monastery by Rikku411. The final photo is called Reading in Solitude, the work of benwhitephotography. All are derived from Wikimedia Commons.
In the year my wife and I returned to Chicago from my stint as an East Coast college professor, we encountered a surprising November snowfall. I remember heading for work on the morning after the Thursday evening whitening of the autumn world.
We lived in an apartment building located in the city’s Northwest corner. My work-a-day routine was always the same. I drove the half-block west from Summerdale toward a dependable stop sign. It never failed to be on the job.
The speed limit on the perpendicular road ahead was 35 miles an hour. I needed to take care and look for a break in the traffic before making a 90 degree right turn.
The snow said otherwise.
My sedan skidded as I approached the stopping place and knifed forward. No stop, no checking for other cars, just a horrifying bolt into no-man’s land.
Nothing happened, no other vehicles. I reached the opposite side of the thoroughfare feeling hugely lucky. Not only in the conventional sense but “morally lucky.”
What does that mean?
Though I didn’t exceed the required pace as I neared the STOP, the law argues I was going too fast “for conditions.”
Yes, I could have been injured, perhaps killed. Yes, I could have done the same to someone else.
What is less obvious is a hypothetical responsibility. A typical reaction to my story lacks the unfortunate ending to call the thought to mind. No harm, no moral implications. This is as much or as little as we think about it.
But what if my misguided missile shot into the intersection and killed someone? Then, I guarantee you, blame enters the theater. Then, part of the human race says I was irresponsible or careless. “He should have known better.”
I’d not disparage those who judged me in the lethal version of the incident. Indeed, I can’t find any unfairness in finger-wagging at a less than 100% irresponsibility or carelessness on my part. I drove the car, and the license allowing me the privilege demanded I do better.
Please understand, I’m sure no one would think of my behavior in moral terms, good or bad, but for bodily injury to another. Without an accident, the label “lucky” alone applies.
I offer this meditation on an everyday occurrence to reveal two things:
But it is even more complicated.
Are you inclined to fault a person born under different conditions than your own who becomes a drug addict, a criminal, or a vagrant? Does the place you and the other land on the first day of life alter your chances of being a “good” person?
Is this not another version of the slippery street and the happenstance of a late-night snowfall? Is this not akin to my ramming someone or entering an empty boulevard?
Most of us applaud the hard work, resilience, or wisdom we possess, pointing to such qualities when explaining our relative “success.”
I encourage everyone to reflect with gratitude on the genetic lottery’s part in predetermined advantageous physical, emotional, and intellectual gifts. Thank God if you choose.
You and I are among the morally lucky some of the time. Who might any of us have become in another setting? With other parents or in a different country?
For myself, on another day, or a minute earlier or later, I might have caused another’s death driving along as I did.
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The images are the work of Laura Hedien with her permission: Laura Hedien Official Website. The first is called Metra Train Platform, 8/20. The second is an Alaska Road Sign, 2021.
