Many struggle to fathom why they fail to act when it would benefit them. They might recognize the pattern, but do not understand where it originated. “That’s just me,” they think, or “That’s for someone else to try, not I.”
Thus, self-assertion takes the shape of a mountain in the distance, intimidating to the point of premature defeat.
Such a life is fear-based, explained in the language of rationalization.
The composer John Cage created a piece entitled “4’33.” It consists of a performer coming on stage, sitting down, and waiting four and a half minutes without making a sound, though he holds his instrument.
Only then does he bow and depart. As Cage wrote in a poem, “I have nothing to say, and I’m saying it.”
“4’33” is one thing. Letting your lifetime pass is another. This is the time to speak, as it always is, as it always has been.
Be careful of small talk when it becomes too small. People are increasingly afraid of mentioning anything controversial. If you want to be interesting, you might have to say something worth considering, perhaps after some study.
You can view this as a threat or an opportunity. Individuals with worthwhile and well-expressed ideas may not be invited to the next party, but could be the show’s star.
If you see the world as a place full of adult-version playground bullies, you have a problem. It’s not that they don’t exist, but that we assign them unwarranted credit.
Would-be bullies think of themselves as the Big Bad Wolf, able to blow down any home. The reverse can be true. Most of the blowhards can’t take a blow.
Practice saying no. No is a complete sentence, not requiring explanation. Learn to repeat it and take back your life. If you want some reinforcements, find the growing number of people who realize fighting back is the antidote for anxiety.
Walking together is enlivening. Sometimes, around disagreeable or threatening people, prepare to walk away. Again, no words are required, but try to have transportation nearby.
Living in dread of a repetition of what has happened, what is happening, or what might yet happen offers unhappiness and a self-fulfilling prophecy. Past, present, and future are compromised thereby.
The anticipatory anxiety squeezes out all room for joy. Make friends, collaborate with both the nervous and the unafraid. Some will be buddies with whom you laugh a lot.
You have been here before. Do you wish to be subservient the rest of your life? Part of life involves taking things on. The only question is which ones and when.
Hiding is no escape from worry. Those who seek shelter from our chaotic world discover unkind bosses, dismissive parents, unfair competitors, teachers who are petty dictators, and abusive mates who still invade their path.
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ — Eleanor Roosevelt
Consider being scary periodically. It is another antidote for terror.
The point here is to take control of something, however small or intimidating, and find agency within. Do not wear a “Kick Me” sign on your back.
Remember what you have told your children.
Imperfect action takes you anywhere you want faster than perfect inaction.
The old saying tells us, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.
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The top image is Norman Rockwell’s Freedom of Speech from The Four Freedoms. Below it follows Eleanor Roosevelt, from 1949. Both are sourced from Wikimedia Commons.
