Tuesday is the day the garbage trucks return to my block. To prepare, I have two jobs.
First, I top off the landfill and recycling containers with the weekly junk. Then, I pull them behind me on their rollers to the end of our long driveway.
As the Buddha said, “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”
His point is that life goes on either way. I don’t chop wood, but I haul trash bins. The Buddha would be pleased, and so is my wife.
Since the refuse vehicle operator arrives early, most neighbors do this the day before, around dinner time. As you can imagine, I live in an enlightened neighborhood.
Here’s the exciting part of last Monday: When I was halfway into the dragging phase, a beautiful, smiling, graceful 30-year-old woman slowed her pace down the sidewalk I was heading for and spoke to me.
“What’s your sign?”
Back in the day, this was a come-on.
At a bar or a party, someone would move in your direction because they found you attractive and potentially interesting. Referring to your sign could be a conversation starter.
My ears told me the lady in question referred to signs of the Zodiac, which some believe explain your personality.
They think your daily horoscope hints at what the future holds. Put another way, it’s like a Chinese fortune cookie prediction.
Well, of course, I am an aging babe magnet, I thought, and put on my biggest grin. The charming woman took one step toward me. I continued my gradual roll in her direction and uttered:
“Capricorn.”
“Oh, I like your your sign!”
She seemed enthusiastic to the max.
“Yes, well, it’s the only one I have.”
At this point, the femme fatale raised two thumbs and smiled again but turned and walked away.
What happened? I was at a loss.
Bummer, I thought to myself. Not Boomer, the derogatory expression some young people use to dismiss anyone my age.
Still functioning, I placed the plastic refuse containers at the curb’s edge and began my brief return to the house.
Looking back at my home and the grass in front of it, I figured the whole thing out.
I need to tell you that I wear hearing aids. Though they cost a fortune, they do not reproduce sound as well as tip-top ears. I am at the mercy of mishearing imprecise words and those at some distance.
Like, maybe the gap between me and the lass.
I am also subject to the clutches of a wishful thought or two.
Ahha!
The charmer wasn’t responding to my studly, hunky, ancient self in the way I thought. She never said, “What’s your sign.” She said, “I like your sign,” twice since she realized I had misheard her first attempt.
What was she talking about?
She referred to the placard I placed on my front lawn almost three months ago.
The poster promotes one of the two leading US presidential candidates. A bit late, I realized that the beauty agreed with my advocacy of one of them.
Harris.
See you at the polls.
You never know who you might meet there.
==============
The Singapore Safety Sign is the work of Uwe Arana. The sign below it is the Penguins Crossing Funny Road Sign from New Zealand. It was created by MSeses. Both were sourced from Wikimedia Commons
Love it, love it, LOVE it!
Very glad you liked it, Frank. LOVE, in caps, is always a winner!
Babe magnet 4eva! Great story. Trash duty has been delegated to my 18yo son. He does a bang-up job. The trash guys sure do come early in the morning. Or maybe it’s late at night! Loud, either way.
As you might have gathered, Susan, I make up a lot of stuff, often on the whim of the moment. Glad your son is on the job. I’ve heard he travels 100 miles just to do so!
Delighted you enjoyed the story, of which much is a tall one!
Even better that you made this up! Love it.
I am a chip off the old blocks. My mom and dad could have been a standup duo. Thanks, Susan.
Oh Dr. Stein, this made me laugh! Clearly not because you deal with a level of hearing loss but more that humans can be so quick to make assumptions based on what we would want the scenario to be. I hope the momentary belief that a stranger was “hitting on you” as we used to say gave you a boost of joy while faced with the onerous task of hauling trash bins 🙂
If you can’t use some measure of hearing loss in a joke, you haven’t adapted to it yet, at least from where I stand. The hearing loss issue is real, but, as my mom used to say about my dad, “He’d hear me if he wanted to!”
You are certainly right about our human tendencies, which I hadn’t thought about when writing this. As to the “hitting on me” business, I’ve had a few boosts of joy even past Social Security age. Something of a surprise to me, but yes, it is pleasing.
But the most important thing to say, Deb, is I am glad you laughed. Thanks for saying so.
Love this! I voted today and felt like I was with long-lost family as I stood in line, commiserating about all that’s at stake with new friends, like-minded and voting for Harris-Walz. Thank you for the chuckle. As a fellow Capricorn and supporter of Harris-Walz, I was delighted times two by your post. 😊
Thank you, Vicki. Sorry to hear your multiplication skills don’t exceed delight times two! Seriously, I have the feeling you always bring the party to any party you attend. Since I’ve actually heard you laugh in person, I really can imagine how it sounds and am glad it sounded out today.
I love this!!Sent from my iPhone
Thank you, Lori. A woman who I know to have a wonderful sense of humor!
Excellent! I was laughing the whole time and waiting for the twist. It was a good one, by the way.
Pleased to hear it, Edward. I will try to give you some more along the way. Thank you.
Hahahaha
I take it, Beth, that the a and h duplications don’t represent a problem with your keyboard! Many thanks. Glad it gave you a chuckle two.
This is something I’m starting to relate to. I don’t have hearing aids and my low hearing loss doesn’t yet qualify me to use them, but my ears do mangle some of what people are saying to me. I sometimes need to ask them to repeat themselves a little slower, as so.e people don’t seem to have discernable micro pauses in between words so they seem to flow together… 2 of my grandkids do this. What I hear the first time is often too odd, so I’m pretty sure they didn’t say what I thought they did, and we get to have a chuckle over it!
Indeed, hearing can be a problem, Tamara. I suspect that audiology is going to be the profession to get into before long, what with all the noise pollution and half the population wearing earbuds. To the good, I adapt as best I can and, as you surely noticed, laugh about it. Be well.
😀
A wordless comment. Perhaps the smile tells all. Thank you, Rosaliene.
Oh, this is so good, Dr. Stein! I like your sign as well!! 🙂
I offer you a bow in the direction of lucky Seattle — lucky because the Leon’s call it home.
This is too funny, Dr. Stein!
!!!! Thank you, Erin.