You might be halfway to changing yourself but haven’t realized it. Sometimes, entering the darkness is the way to find the light. The sunrise waits for you and returns tomorrow to offer another chance to meet it.
Have you thought …
- I do not want to be this person.
- I don’t want to keep pretending.
- I know I’m scared, but I must stop avoiding those situations I fear.
- I need to be able to speak or present in front of a group.
- I’m afraid I will lose my friends if I change.
- Not all of my friends are worth keeping.
- I worry about being rejected.
- What must I do to become more confident?
- Will a therapist think I’m not worth treating? I will fail at counseling.
- I hear that counselors don’t give out grades.
- I need more friends.
- I make excuses not to go where I think I will be uncomfortable.
- I can’t eat alone in fine restaurants.
- I prefer talking on Zoom or on the telephone. I feel safer. Texts and emails are even better.
- I never know what to say but want to find the words.
- My parents and siblings are disappointed in me.
- My pet is my only real friend.
- I am easy to take advantage of. I feel used, but what would happen if I stopped?
- I avoid leadership opportunities if I can.
- I am not seen — not known by some people I’m closest to.
- I have made poor choices of friends.
- I read self-help books instead of changing what I do in the world.
- I need to go out more to places where I can meet people
- I compare how unhappy I feel with how joyous everyone else appears. Are they faking it?
- No more excuses. It is time!
If you have several of these thoughts, you are already more honest about yourself than many, including some you admire.
Half the work of psychotherapy is done.
The future holds risks for all of us, but we can also make ourselves over. An old expression reminds us that “every knock is a boost.” Learning and resilience can come from taking on challenges and enduring the defeats fate delivers. A therapist will remind you that you are not alone.
Perhaps you will gain a new perspective on the world and your place in it. Yes, the end of summer grows darker, but Camus wrote, “Autumn is a second spring when every leaf’s a flower.”
The sculptor’s clay stretches before you, waiting for your hands to reshape it. Listen to its quiet voice.
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The first image is The Great Wave off Kanagawa by Hokusai. It is followed by a view of San Francisco in Fog with Rays, posted by Brocken Inaglory. Both of these were sourced from Wikimedia Commons.
Finally, an Arizona Sunset on a Train Trestle, photographed in late July 2020, near Tucson by the superb photographic artist Laura Hedien, with her permission: Laura Hedien Official Website.
“Sometimes, entering the darkness is the way to find the light”
Isn’t that the truth! I can testify. Thank you for this post which meets so many where they are.
You bet, Susan. Thanks for your testimony. I’m not surprised you found a way.
“Sometimes, entering the darkness is the way to find the light. The sunrise waits for you and returns tomorrow to offer another chance to meet it.”
Sometimes what we perceived as darkness isn’t as dark as we feared and astutely avoided.
Sometimes the darkness is simply the thing we need ti work on, and when we acknowledge it, we’re already part way through, for in seeing the issue clearly, we can then embrace the solutions that we can get to using baby steps.
We don’t necessarily need to jump in with both feet to make changes, we can start with something smaller and build on it slowly, as we gain confidence.
Perfect, Tamara. You hit the bull’s eye! Thank you! There is nothing I can add to perfection.
I’ve read through your list several times, Dr. Stein and return to the same thought. The fear of rejection (#7) is interwoven with so many other self-limiting beliefs. The fears associated with being misjudged (or judged in any way – appraised) and the social anxieties many experience – related to the examples you’ve provided (4, 9, 12, 13, 14, 19, 20 especially). Love your conclusion…acknowledgement is the first step, and then, “Half the work of psychotherapy is done.” Thank you, as always! 🥰
Thank you, Vicki. I appreciate your refinement and insight into one of the dilemmas of mankind. The world has always had “lions and tigers and bears, oh my,” but it becomes ever more complicated and challenging. You are exactly right about our self-doubting self.
What a perfect post for the solstice. Looking for light in the dark. Thank you, Dr. Stein!
Thank you for making me aware of that, Wynne. You are the second person who told me that, but it was only your saying it in connection to what I wrote made me aware of the synchronicity. Or perhaps I should call it grace. Thank you.
“Sometimes, entering the darkness is the way to find the light.” I’ve found that to be true, Dr. Stein. It’s a terrifying experience, for sure, as we fumble for a way forward not knowing how and where.
Indeed, Rosaliene. Plato’s cave included men who were turned away from the light, held in that fixed position. They therefore saw only shadows and, since they had never seen people in daylight, mistook the shadows for forms of life. We are a bit like that if we don’t turn toward the light and become enlightened. Of course course, to do so is a challenge, one you have overcome. Thank you, Rosaliene. We are better for you finding your way.
<3
Reading your post just before Chanuka begins, I’m reminded of how physical light is used around the world during seasonal darkness. Lighting an additional candle for each of the 8 nights of Chanuka, allows us to experience the gradual increase in light. We’re compelled to slow down and enjoy the lights as they burn, to not do other tasks. The flames striving upward are a reminder of our real selves yearning to shine through all the masks we’ve adopted over the years.”The restless flame tells the story of our restless lives, as we fluctuate between tension and resolution.” (Rabbi Simon Jacobson).
On another note: I loved the images in this post, especially the train trestle which seems to suggest its own fascinating story.
Wishing you a light-filled holiday.
Thank you, Evelyn. One aspect of those religions that ask the Orthodox to “slow down and enjoy the lights as they burn, to not to do other tasks,” offers the fulfillment that comes with attention to that which exists beyond the world of work. As you suggest, especially in the first world, we exist in a tension created by the way we are encouraged to live in the material world. Reorientation is a necessity for a fulfilling life.