Cheating and the Yearning for Trust

Many of us write about how to find fulfillment. Add our plentiful commentary on acceptance, gratitude, achievement, loss, depression, defeat, and victory.

Somehow, at least one thing is left out.

Cheating.

In childhood, it was unimaginable to me. Yes,  kids cheated on tests, threw snowballs at moving buses, and found miscellaneous ways to raise hell.

Yet the adults I encountered all appeared decent enough, unlike the fraudulent and dangerous types in news reports. TV was the box where bad guys lived and did their worst, not in my neighborhood.

My dad had a small business, which offered a different story. Mercury Lighter Service was a side job he created, fixing cigarette lighters.

Milton Stein and my mother, Jeanette, learned to repair most of those that were broken.

My parents performed their magic on our dining room table after dinner, after my father came home from his supervisory position at the post office and his second job, keeping the books for my Uncle Sam’s business.

His enterprise was not without its share of upset.

Like deadbeats.

He muttered the word, sometimes changing it to “another deadbeat.

I asked him what he was talking about. “Adults don’t always pay their bills,” he replied. There were many reasons, including the desire to cheat you.

Such menit was always menseemed outliers to me, not regular, honest folk. Perhaps I wanted to envision the world as a benign place. Later, I discovered that the people of the planet were more complicated.

Here, however, is something close to the truth. It is part of a footnote to the Enchiridion, itself a discourse recorded by Arrian, from the teaching he received as a student of the philosopher Epictetus:

Those who have the ability sufficient to raise themselves from a low estate, and at the same time do it to the damage of society, are perhaps only few, but certainly there are such persons.

They rise by ability, by the use of fraud, by bad means almost innumerable. They gain wealth, they fill high places, they disturb society, they are plagues and pests, and the world looks on sometimes with stupid admiration until death removes the dazzling and deceitful image, and honest men breathe freely again.

Stupid admiration. An interesting phrase. The crooks would be easier to recognize if each took the same name and a differentiating number—something like Stupid Admiration #1, #32, #47, etc.

The swindlers can be hard to identify and receive high praise from sycophants and those who want to ride the master’s coattails to wealth.

Does it appear to you that criminals have mushroomed? How do some of them do so well at profiting from their corruption?

Consider the word “con men,” short for confidence men, meaning they gain your confidence so they can take what you have.

The rascals flatter you, recognize that you want to be seen, approved of, and admired. Swinders offer a vision of the future in which your life will be better. They will help to make it, too.

One thinks he is lucky to have found such a person, a kind of father figure and wizard put together. I was taken in by such a one once, years ago.

It happens, but why?

Almost everyone, deep down, wants to be cared for. No wonder that wounded men on the battlefield cry out for their mothers, as they have since the beginning of time.

They search for a place in a trusted group, people who resemble them, think as they do, and brace them against the possibility of others, either different or suspicious.

Laughter, love, kindness, and locked arms fulfill an ageless wish. Togetherness means more when it promises the security of survival. The saying goes, “I will be there for you.

The fraudster plays on all this and more.

Today, many people ask what they should do to thwart dishonesty and bad faith. Many are afraid, confused, depressed, or all of these.

They hope for a leader, a savior, a person to lean on; someone who can win the day, take the group’s prize to the car wash, soap away the darkness, and bring the light.

If you could sell guaranteed trust and a supportive community on a street corner, you would make a fortune.

The world will always need saving. It always has.

That said, most of us have faith in the basic decency of humankind. My dad didn’t give up his small business or hide from others because of a few underhanded debtors.

Milton Stein went to WWII in a uniform he believed in. To him, it represented the rightness of the fight. He returned still faithful to my mother, and she to him.

Remember, it is always darkest before the dawn.

And then there is love.

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The top image is a Poster for the American Drama film The Cheat (1923).

The second item is an Advertisement for the American Comedy-Romance film The Confidence Man (1924), starring Thomas Meighan, from the March 29, 1924, cover of the Exhibitors Trade Review. Both are sourced from Wikimedia Commons.

What We Do with Time and Thought?

Sometimes advice comes from looking closely. We talk about being readers of speed or slowness, as if a shoulder pressed hard on the grindstone.

A smaller number read and reread, while some avoid books altogether.

But the wise man who penned the capitalized letters above looks more closely. Perhaps he suggests another way to find your way — to think about a life of hesitation, or spontaneity.

To ensure the time is honored and absorbed in full, with little wasted.

Whether we can absorb everything at one go is questionable. Yet it might be worth the effort. Some call it living in the moment, but this is different.

We must think, think about, think through, think enough, and think with clarity about what we are doing, as Hannah Arendt pleaded in her book, The Human Condition.

Making sensible choices isn’t easy.

Let us start with these few ideas.

Should I live with abandon or instead, with care and well-thought-out intention and planning?

Must we take the blame and apologize out of insecurity or out of our need for approval?

How do you determine what is worth giving your life for, and what is worth standing up for despite the risk of defending a principle?

What responsibilities does the status of citizen confer on us?

Are you now, or have you ever been put to the test by telling the truth, lying, or taking arms? How about fighting against a deadly illness, saving the life of another, or donating an internal organ?

Have you come out as a person of unconventional and despised sexual nature, or decided to take on the danger of being unpopular because of political or religious beliefs?

Do you recognize that the loss of your soul, honesty, or morality doesn’t always happen in your response to one significant event, but in small steps that erode your character over time?

If you have a bucket list, consider how long you have postponed fulfilling your desires.

When you reach middle or old age, do you realize that many of the early entries on your list have lost their interest?

Such promissory notes to yourself can be like the suit, dress, pants, or shorts you hope to wear again, only to discover they no longer fit. An old saying applies: You have missed the boat.

Small children tend not to recognize that death lies ahead. As you become somewhat older, the thought occurs to you. When you are older still, would it be wise to remind yourself of your mortality?

Would it be necessary to raise this idea at least once a year?

In middle age and beyond, such a practice becomes less necessary. Your life and the deaths of others announce the issue without your help.

Do you believe you are self-aware? We all miss things. How might you go about learning them? What might be the cost to others and to you?

What is the value of rushing around? What is the value of taking your time?

Have you failed to speak to old friends in years? What is holding you back? What is the value of such people?

Why is it worthwhile to help strangers, including those who are different from you? Do you offer your helping hand face-to-face?

Many external influences have changed you. These include reading news on your phone, using the AI Chatbot, which some describe as a friend, and text messaging.

Are these worthwhile utilities? What do you gain and what do you lose? Do you believe you are saving time as opposed to losing competence to learn and solve problems on your own?

Are you lonely or lonelier than you used to be? Eating alone in the USA has increased by 53% since 2003. The number is much higher among the young.

Do devices like Zoom, frequent job changes, working from home, and a loss of understanding of how to make and keep friends contribute to this problem?

If this is your issue, how do you fill your time when there’s no human contact? Pets, perhaps?

One additional thought about the ticking clock of life. When we are free of essential demands, what do we do?

Meditation can sweep clean awareness of the Earth’s movement around the Sun. What else do we focus on? Exercise, food, the desire to consume, worry, our career, money, relationships, avoidance, and more.

Plato thought of other matters: the contemplation of beauty in moments of quiet.

He focused on the eternal, not immortality, but big and lofty questions regarding the soul, things, and ideas, including nature, beyond temporary joys, lusts, and sorrows.

What do you think?

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The writing at the top of the page is sourced from Edward Zaydelman on Substack.

The weather advice is sourced from MzNickey in East Jesus, TN

The Seasons of Life and Some Suggestions

In the lives of my grandparents, precise knowledge of the year or day of their birth was not guaranteed.

Unlike those who lived at a slower pace, we have become preoccupied with time, perhaps beginning with the railroad trains in 1854. They were able to provide “on time arrival.”

We are at the mercy of time; we lose time, we search for time, and are sometimes early or late.

Magnificent works of art, music, books, and theater are called timeless. Why? Because they defeat the passage of the years by remaining seen, read, and performed long past their creation, just as they were.

Those towering man-made creations tell us that we can produce the timeless, but we — the creators —are not timeless.

For the young, the passing seasons matter only when it comes to Christmas presents, birthdays, and the dates that order the school calendar, signaling the beginning and end of summer vacation.

Somewhat later, the mirror watches us in recognition of our aging. Do we look back? That depends on how brave we are.

One thing we neither read about nor hear much is that we live in different stages, to the point of being one person or personality at one age and a different person at another. Our bodies, knowledge, experience, brains, and chemistry are constantly transforming.

It follows that we will not live in the same way at 45 as we do at 25. Nor can the 45-year-old live as he will at 65, or even predict what his nature will be at that time.

In a sense, this turns the question of mortality on its head. The person we were earlier is not the person we are later. If we live with an eye on the person we are now, we will not plan for the person we will be. Indeed, we have no certainty about who we will become anyway.

The unfathomable alterations in the seasons of our lives underline the significance of living well as a 20-year-old, when you are 20. Fall in love, use your body to its fullest potential, and excel in age-sensitive skills like math if you have the talent.

Remember, you live on a moving walkway.

Enjoy your favorite foods until you develop a taste for something different. Baseball players tend to peak around the age of 27, so play, sprint, or swim as much as you can. Don’t make bucket list plans. The old man you will be at retirement won’t be you.

Understand this. I had no recognition of any of this until I experienced it firsthand. I am still living it and watching friends in the same process of transformation. Younger people, too.

I doubt that most of you will internalize any of this. Unless, that is, you are in the grasp of the sculptor we call time.

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The painting above is “Clock ” by Philip Guston, sourced from Wikiart.org.

Hurry Up and Slow Down: Thoughts on the Use of Time

 

Imagine you are standing in an endless, unmoving line. An upcoming appointment looms, and you will be late. Frustration and unexpressed anger bubble up, aimed at an old man or woman at the front of the queue who can’t locate and dig out the wallet buried in a pocket or purse.

It’s about time—the time that slips away, the time things take, the clocks, and the numbers on your phone. When you get old enough, the days start to pass in a flash.

Robert Southey put it this way:

Live as long as you may, the first 21 years are the longest half of your life.

You won’t be able to read all the books you want, see all the concerts, consume every binge-worthy series, or visit all the countries.

Perhaps you should slow down and consider how best to use your time. Would “less” become “more.” More fulfilling?

What have clever people said about this?

Mark Twain wrote:

There isn’t time—so brief is life—for bickerings, apologies, heart-burnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving—& but an instant, so to speak, for that.

Clara Spaulding was a family friend to whom Twain, Sam Clemens’s pen name, offered that advice on August 20, 1886. He was 50 when he penned this letter and 74 when he died.

Some other thoughts on the subject of mortality and time’s brevity:

After all, what is death? Just nature’s way of telling us to slow down.

A. Alvarez identified the quote as an insurance proverb in 1979.

Kingsley Amis suggested the following:

Death has got something to be said for it:

There’s no need to get out of bed for it;

Wherever you may be

They bring it to you, free.

Sounds like breakfast in bed to me. Not what you ordered, of course.

Back to Twain, he knew he had wasted time when young, perhaps reinforcing his advice to Clara Spaulding 10 years later:

Ignorance, intolerance, egotism, self-assertion, opaque perception, dense and pitiful chuckleheadedness—and an almost pathetic unconsciousness of it all, that is what I was at nineteen and twenty (1876).

Clearly, Twain gave more than a bit of thought to the passage of time, some of it amusing. Here is a quote from a letter to his mother when he turned 43 in 1878:

I broke the back of life yesterday and started downhill toward old age. This fact has not produced any effect on me that I can detect.

T.S. Eliot, another well-remembered writer, seems to have wanted to get on with things, reckoning that if he were closer to his end, there would be some advantages:

The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down. (1950, age 62).

Ben Franklin had some advice for those of us who wish to be remembered:

If you would not be forgotten, as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth writing. (Poor Richard’s Almanc, 1738). 

I wonder what he would say about blogging?    

At age 20 (1726), Franklin wrote guidance for himself in the form of 13 virtues: 

  1. Temperance. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
  2. Silence. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
  3. Order. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
  4. Resolution. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
  5. Frugality. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
  6. Industry. Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
  7. Sincerity. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and if you speak, speak accordingly.
  8. Justice. Wrong none by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
  9. Moderation. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
  10. Cleanliness. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.
  11. Tranquility. Be not disturbed at trifles or at accidents common or unavoidable.
  12. Chastity. Rarely use venery for health or offspring, but never dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
  13. Humility. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Goethe, the towering German polymath, had a generous take on man’s demise, at least in some cases:

Mozart died in his six-and-thirtieth year. Raphael at the same age. Byron only a little older. But all these had perfectly fulfilled their missions; and it was time for them to depart, that other people might still have something to do in a world made to last a long while (1828).

Are all of us as sure of our mission as Mozart was?

George Bernard Shaw shared a remarkable view of the male gender to be found in The Revolutionist’s Handbook of 1903:

Every man over 40 is a scoundrel.

Nowadays, one only says that about the cheerleaders for a political party other than ours.

On a more positive note, Corot, the French landscape and portrait painter, offered this:

In July, when I bury my nose in a hazel bush, I feel 15 years old again. It’s good! It smells of love! (1867)

He would be 71 that year, suggesting that love can live and grow into old age.

But let’s leave the last word to a lady of wisdom and cleverness. This comes from Lady Astor, the first woman to become a member of the British Parliament:

I refuse to admit that I am more than 52 even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

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Grombo created Morning Fog at the Golden Gate Bridge. A.F. Bradley took Mark Twain’s 1907 photo. Joseph-Siffred Duplessis painted the Ben Franklin Portrait, and Jean-Antoine Houdon created the Franklin Bust in 1778. Finally, the 1923 picture is of Nancy Astor (Viscountess Astor) in 1923. Her dates are 1879—1964. All these came from Wikimedia Commons.